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Loss
I.
First winter snowflake
falls on baby's eyelid and--
blink.
II.
Spring rains bring worms too late
for fallen baby robins--
no longer hungry
III.
Emptied by the sun
as he sweats in the sandbox,
Kyle's lemonade.
IV.
Wind steals an autumn leaf
from baby's curious hands--
She trips desperately after.
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| This is my favorite out of all of your poems. ^.^ i like the voice and the vivid realism. |
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Comment by: jyngrehl Online- 2007-11-08 18:04
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| For what you say and how you mean it, I believe the flow is absolutely perfect, it comes across well as opportunities are whisped away by the moment, thanks for writing this. :) |
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| very intresting perspective, and i like the way you build up images and how they shanges so wildley and still have a similar subjekt. ecpecially the first stanza, i really could see it... |
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Comment by: - 2007-01-06 16:39
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| Wow, a baby's perspective; so many people try to express the adult side of them. Excellent, keep up the creative writing. |
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| could use a little more flow but otherwise i think its awesome |
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