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Evansville Epitaph
Today I glimpsed into yesterday
through eyes of a child long cast aside.
I allowed her to take in the sweet musty old sofa
fragrant on Grandma's front porch.
So hot, the stifling southern August days.
They lingered dreary until my summer mates came and
we washed the face of Midwest sticky sweat away
and reigned with the finest princes
rulers of Jalopy dynasties, cheap sweet wine
and stale Marlboro kisses.
Dared and swept away, the full moon guided
and grandma ablaze in her apron calling me in
to run fast as summer toughened feet could.
on stony sidewalks framing this old town.
Antiqued and farther along then I was then,
home had no alleys or Schultheis Drug stores
no root beer floats or double dipped cones.
Our pre-teen thrones- the red retro padded barstools
where we could spin around until the old sandman with a broom
appeared to shoofly us away- for today.
And I, sovereign for two weeks every summer
the girl from up north, cute and different all the same.
Heartbreak fare for teenage play by plays,
history was whispered in the ears of summer days
and mostly forgotten by sunset.
If it did matter, I could curl up so blessed in the nearest quilt
next to all that God could show me about love and sacrifice.
A twin bed away where we would pray
blanketed by the sweetest faith and the sureness
of love and family in every fusty stitch.
Still I smile as I recall those days
farther south with Connie and Joey and the gang.
As yesterday's eyes give way to today.
Properly sold is the old bungalow
second from the corner;
yet sweet scatterbrained delights lie secretly inside.
Wiser is better, but still sometimes
wisdom I'd no sooner cast away
for one more silly, steamy, Indiana yesterday
and one less responsible today.
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| I enjoyed all the imagery. You have an uncommon way of weaving words into phrases that surprise and delight. |
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| You packed so much into this poem that I got lost in the moment and read it as a short story! All the time I was reading, I was lost in a wonderful story of days gone by. I began reminiscing of my youth and a lot of those wonderful almost forgotten days! A wonderful read, but as was said earlier, for poetry it needs to be trimmed back, or even better, carry it further and tell us more of your wonderful memories in the form of a story! |
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This would make a really good short story, have you considered that? As a poem-- if you would consider paring some of the abundant, unnecessary ajectives,( ie, sweet, sweetest, used multiple times) your work would be more easily consumed and appear more professional.. However I did enjoy it and if you did not want unsolicited crit, please forgive this intrusion <3
regards
normal jeane |
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