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YeOldeFart
Dennis Newman
United States, OR, Springfield

Words: 276
Access: Public
Comments: 28

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Flash Challenge 275 (Revised)

A cold October wind has scattered dead leaves across the fields like confetti. Leafless trees line the road like abstract skeletons. Our tires crunch in the gravel as we turn into the driveway to our new country home.

'Who's gonna clean up all those leaves?' my wife, Betty, wonders gawking out the car window.

'Hey,' I say, 'we're in the country. We're twelve miles outa town. I doubt there's a street sanitation department out here.'

'Humph!' She says, folding her arms across her chest.

'C'mon, Betty,' I say, 'We moved out here so we can be independent. We're gonna grow what we need to live. We're gonna live off the land, we're gonna'' I pause and sweep my hand across the breadth of the windshield. "We're gonna coax our roots out of this land.' I beam at her proud of my little speech.

We stop in front of the house. 'See those?' I say pointing at a few dead stalks protruding along the path to the house. 'Flowers! They're dead now, but this spring they'll brighten your day.'

'Yeah,' she says, 'Like that lovely window box you had with pigeon poop splattered all over.'

We get out of the car. 'Betty, look! That's a garden, a real garden, not a window box of geraniums. We can grow anything we want. We can grow flowers, we can grow food, we can grow''

Betty prods a mound of dirt with her toe. She uncovers a bone and gasps, stepping back. I see the skull of a small dog. 'Look,' I say, 'somebody has already planted a puppy.'

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Comments  
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-01-23 06:29
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A very good revised one! Detiled changes have made the story far more vivid! Great!
Casper Comment by: Casper - 2007-11-17 17:50
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Wow this one actually got me laugh out loud, which is highly unusual seeing as how my emotions usually stay inside of me... I love the optimism that the husband has for the dead puppy being planted in his new garden...

The first paragraph (in my opinion at least) caught my attention...It gave me quite a visual mind movie...Which is what every story needs to pull the reader in....
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2007-10-28 07:25
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The people in the city have planted the trees which have polluted the road with fallen leaves but now are moving to the the clear-looking countryside which has been polluted! Am I right?
heidrunknikander Comment by: heidrunknikander - 2007-08-15 03:47
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I like the metaphors at the beginning leaves like confetti and the leavless tree like a skeleton. Your last sentence made me laugh - city-dwellers in the countryside. That is so well written. I love it.
carriedale Comment by: carriedale - 2007-07-06 11:13
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Nice job, I think "outa" is supposed to be "outta" but I am no spelling whiz myself. I like how the end of the story opens into the possibility for another one. I LOVE how the character is so proud of his little speech, so human, so much like a man- ha ha ha! ;P
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By YeOldeFart

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