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Untieable Ties
Events like these I hate;
dressing up in more than rags;
pretending to be somebody
or something your not;
fake.
Flip this flap this way;
that flap the other.
Go around three times.
Or, was it two times?
Then tuck;
but tuck it where?
Oh hell! I'll never get this damn thing right!
Nights like this,
I wish rain would dance;
instead of me;
with them;
watching her with him.
Then, this whole mess would cancel;
Gone would be
the ball gowns;
the penguin suited gents;
the mundane crowd;
disguised in right-side-up frowns
and insincere well wishes.
Why do I have to suit up like him?
Pretend to be like him;
wear the same colored choke hold as him.
Untieable ties!
To hell with this nuse!
To hell with this suit!
It's she that loves Mr. Dubray;
not me!
That silly;
two cheek kissing
French guy from Germany!
He's not my father anyway.
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I don't often read poetry because I think it is one of the most complex and difficult art forms in existence! It is hard to find good poetry. But I really appreciate yours; you have a gift.
The second stanza is wonderfully written with the motions of tying a tie. Is there any way that you can put something in about the speaker being a boy? I think it would make it clearer about who is speaking and make reading the poem even more enjoyable.
I loved your wording here:
"Nights like this,
I wish rain would dance;
instead of me;"
Amazing, woman! You are inspiring me. Keep up the good work! |
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| I was looking at post card that displayed a frowning boy and a tie rack. For some reason, my mind took me to a situation where the boy was being ask to wear one of the displeasing ties on the rack to attend his mother's engagement party. The mother was to wed a man whom was not the boy's father and no matter how hard the boy tried, he couldn't manage to correctly tie the tie. And equally, no matter how hard the boy tried to deal with the inevitable situation, he could not bring himself to support his mother tying the knot with someone other than his biological father; thus, the title 'Untieable Ties'. I don't know how well I relayed what was happening in my mind, but that was the background behind this poem. Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback. I am not the strongest in poetry and your comments will help me to improve. |
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Comment by: - 2007-01-10 15:49
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| First and second stanza won me over- espescially like second stanza- third stanza I'm not sure who "she" is, enjoyed the fourth stanza frustration and petulent voice of a person acting against thier own will for the sake of another (the right-side-up frowns is a great twist more than turn of phrase!) - the question mark in the next stanza belongs at the end of the question- final stanza startled me in an effective way because it sounds authentic enough to make me feel some shame at wanting to know the whole story- yet not necessarily wanting to get closer to the story-teller (do you know what I mean?) |
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