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faiytalesexist
Brittany Spear
United States, Maryland, Silver Spring

Words: 787
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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So Kiss Me Goodbye

'I have to go,' she said softly, standing in the rain.
'Why?' he said, face screwed in pain, unaware of the raindrops falling onto him steadily.
'I just'¦have to. It's time.'
'But still'¦why? Have I done something wrong? Tell me! I'll do anything, ANYTHING, to make you stay.'
'No. It's nothing that you've done. Its just time. I have to keep moving. I've stayed too long as it is.'
'Well, at least let me come with you.'
'I'm sorry. Your life is here. I can't let you leave it.'
'My life is with you.'
'No, it isn't. You just think it is. Really, in a week or so, you'll barely remember me.'
'I'll never forget you.' She bit her lip softly, and stared into his vibrant green eyes. The love that they held was so alluring, telling her to stay with him, forever. But she knew that she couldn't. The time had come to move on, like it had come the many times before. She couldn't resist its call. She had tried so many times before, but its will was stronger than hers. Tears started to run down the sides of her face, from the sadness welling up in both her and Henry's hearts. She hated this part of leaving. Maybe it would be better, from now on, to just not meet anyone new. To forever get rid of this heartache.
'Erin?' Henry pleaded, staring into her blue eyes, 'Please'¦don't leave.' Erin paused, and then took a step closer to Henry. Henry's mouth turned slightly up, but then went back down when he saw Erin's mouth still quivering. She opened her mouth, and the words that had been forming in her mind came out.
'It's time for me to go,' Erin started to sing, 'I can stay here no more.
'My time is up, it's time to move on.
The pull of the road is my only sound.
It won't let me go, it won't set me free
I just have to keep moving on.

So kiss me goodbye, no more waving hello
It's time for me to hit the road
We've had plenty of time, and shared lots of things
But don't even bother with that diamond ring
Cus I'm gone.

Don't feel bad; it's not your fault.
The world keeps spinning round.
The pull is strong, the pull is tight,
And now its time to move on.

So kiss me goodbye, no more waving hello
It's time for me to hit the road.
We've had plenty of time, and shared lots of things
But don't even bother with that diamond ring
Cus I'm gone.

The world is cruel, the world's unjust.
But moving on is simply a must.
We can't live our lives in only the past
There's so much to live for, just waiting that grasp.
Don't bother with me, cus I can't come back
It's hard to accept, but cut me some slack.

So kiss me goodbye, no more waving hello
It's time for me to hit the road.
We've had plenty of time, and shared lots of things
But don't even bother with that diamond ring
Cus I'm gone.

So kiss me goodbye'¦'

Henry stared into her eyes, understanding now that her mind was made up. He took a step closer, and then pressed his lips to hers. They stood together, kissing in the rain for several timeless moments. Henry wished with all of his heart that Erin could stay, that she could understand just how much he loved her. But Erin had always been free-spirited, and could never be bossed around. And apparently she had already made up her mind.
They broke away sooner than Henry would have ever wanted. He had felt that somehow, if they kept on kissing, Erin would never have to leave. But the look that still blazed in her eyes told him that there wasn't any chance in that.
'Well,' Henry spoke finally, choking on his words, 'I guess this is goodbye.'
'Yeah,' Erin said sadly but assuredly, 'It is.'
'Is there any chance that I'll see you again?'
'Probably not. Don't look for me, though. Just'¦move on.' At that, Erin turned away and walked off into the rain towards the town's train station. Henry stared after her until her form was lost in the mist and cloud of the surrounding rain. Henry sighed dejectedly, then turned home to try and figure out the rest of his life.

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Comments  
Wildefriend Comment by: Wildefriend Online- 2008-05-25 17:01
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I like the overall intent, really! And the poem in the middle is a very wonderful touch. However, in the first section the characters speak like cold metallic robots. Perhaps they are supposed to? I would hope not. I would hope they would have individual voices and manners of speaking that make them come alive for the reader. I mean, they don't even talk over or interrupt each other. They are so well-mannered and so bland. Please make them live. There are characters in there and they are SCREAMING to get out.

;-o
queenbeekiller Comment by: queenbeekiller - 2007-11-25 15:31
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I like the emotions that such a short story can bring, I think it's very good. Keep writing!
writergrlxo Comment by: writergrlxo - 2007-06-22 19:51
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I liked the song.
Koinonia Comment by: Koinonia - 2007-02-28 06:46
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Well yeah, there isn't much character development but sometimes emotions are enough. I know I can identify with the pain of losing somebody and I reckon most of the world can. I really like it
troublewithroy Comment by: troublewithroy - 2007-02-08 11:32
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I was talking the other day with The Boy (you'd have to see my blog to understand that) about a screenplay for a five minute short film, and told him that you'd have to get in and get out, establish a lot in a short time, and try to give the viewer enough to shape a story around it.

Short short stories are like poems or pictures in that way; they change with the reader depending on what that reader brings to it.

I also gave a talk to a 10th grade class last year in which I pointed out that as a writer, you are responsible for leading your reader and they only get to see what you show them. Sometimes, you show them a lot, sometimes you show them a little.

I liked your scene. I know there's not a lot of development. It lets a reader fill in the blanks. And the fact that Erin would sing to Henry tells more, in one song, than you could in pages of backstory because Erin is not just the kind of person who will sing, a capella, unbidden, but her relationship with Henry is such that she could and would do that for him. It's a good example of "show, don't tell."

Stick with it; it's very good.
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