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a victorian pickpocket *part 1

"I'm Bella, pickpocket extrordinaire!Anything of value which lies in some gentlemans pocket will most definatly be picket, most probably by me!"Bella was a lean slither of what once was a very beautifull woman.But it wasnt time who had stolen her looks, like it had with so many others,intense fatigue had crippled her face and body.Her yellowing skin was drawn taught over high cheek bones.She had vast pools of darkness for eyes which seemed to reflect past memories which she'd rather forget.
She was dressed in a long winter coat with fur trimmings which she had "found" in Trafalger square.As she made her way down a street that lay parrallel to the canal snow started to settle about her bare feet, frost biting her toes.The vile stench of the mirky canal waters found its way to her nose,causing it to shrival in disgust.Bella knew where she was going and didnt have to look up to get there.Over bridges wher the cries of those lay dying underneath could clearly be heard, along streets lined with human filth.Down allies where the fear of rape and murder would have caused Bella to turn back; if it wasnt for the revolver she clutched at.
Finaly she found what she was looking for, steps leading down,down,down.At the bottom a passage led of a good five hundred yards in the dark.She could hear the drip of water hitting the stone floor.As she grew nearer the door, she could hear raised voices.Her heart dropped,this meant one of two things; either the people inside were all drunk, which would probably be fine.Or, Jacob had returned to London, which could mean the end of her.
"Well I cant go back now,can I?" Bella mumbled this as she ran a nervous hand through her hair.She started to frantically search her brain, looking for an alternative.There was none.Bella could hear her heart beat quicken as she grew closer and closer to the door.Her body seemed to numb as she gripped the doorknob with a sweaty palm.The voices no longer seemed to be in the room, but all around her, inside her head.Yet she still could'nt quite make out what they were saying.She bit down on her lip as she slowly twisted the doornob.It gave a loud click in the darkness.Bella cursed her bad memory, but before she could think another thaught the door flew open and bright light streamed into the hall,banashing the darkness.
"Oh...couldnt quite make it on your own then?Guess the streets of London were just a bit too rough for our little ballarina, ay Tom?"a smarmy voice hit a raw nerve.THWACK.
"As if you could make it on your own, you maggot infested old bastard!"Bella had a very powerfull right hook and had knocked the man to the floor.
"Whadyoudo that for you ol' bitch?"the man's speech was slurred and angry, blood dribbled from his nose as he staggered around ,trying to regain balance.Bella could hear Tom howling with laughter in the backround,obviosly equally as drunk, if not more.She smiled dispite herself, nothing had changed.
"I guess you havnt learned to take a punch while ive been away then Phill?Bella laughhed.
"You punch like a bitch."Phill wiped his nose clean of blood.
"Or how to hold your drink."Bella glared..only if looks could kill.for a second it looked as if Phill might've said something more,but a drunken hiccough escaped his lips and he returned to hi seat lookng rather indignant.
Bella cast her eyes aroun the room, looking for any possible changes made in her absence.Lacking a womans touch, noticebly filthier on the whole!Three makeshift beds, a bag of wheat and a few bare cuboards ran along the left wall.To her right, an old dirty wash baisan, a rather large beer barrel which Giles was sitting on and an empty space, where she used to sleep.To the back of the room was an old oak table with six wormeaten chairs.This was where Tom and Phill chose to sit, with their backs leaning on the far wall and flagens of beer in their hands.
A feeling of security spread through Bella faster than blood. There was no wind or ice down here and the beer could warm her from head to foot.There were a few oil lamps dotted about the place,a box of matches, a deck of playing cards, these were all of their worldly possesions and what fine ones they were for the time they lived in.
"I thaught you would be back, do you want a drink then?" the warm familliar voice decided it.She would at least stay the night.
"Thanks.What have you got?"Bella smiled a little sheepishly, she felt foolish for hitting Phill.Giles had always told her how to step back from situations and put them in perspective.
"Whisky,beer, rum?"Giles offered a warm smile as he walked over to one of the cuboards,retrieving a scratched glass tumbler.
"I'll have a whisky if its all right?"Her eyes nervously darted to meet Giles' who wasnt looking her way.
"yes, thats fine."He started to generously pour a fair amount of whisky into the tumbler.Bella continued to observe him, trying to take in all of his rich features, which she hadnt seen in such a long time.He was a tall man with dark hair speckled with gray, he had soft
brown eyes with an ever youthfull curiosity for life, but they still managed to convey knowledge and wisdom.Giles was Bella's most trusted confidant, a friend.
"It's been pushin' a month since I've been sippin' on a glass of rum".She muttered to herself more than anyone else. Without another moment to waste Bella took a long sip.Giles was watching her out of the corner of his eye, smiling at her eagerness.
Giles had known that Bella would return, it wasnt that she couldnt support herself but she craved attention and needed to interact with her friends. A far more social creature than it would first seem.
"Thirsty"A rather wide, slightly absurd smile spread across Tom's face.Bella had thaught that only a complete idiot or someone that drunk could smile like that , Tom was both.
"I do believe that the return of our Bella -hiccough- calls for a celebration -hiccough" In his enthusiasm for more alcohol he jumped off the chair but promptly fell over it.Undettered, he crawled over to the cuboard and pulled out four bottles of single malt whisky.Unopened.
"Finish your drinks lads... and Bella -hiccough- We are having a drinking contest!"

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Comments  
jessievonpresley Comment by: jessievonpresley - 2008-08-26 15:16
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You paint a vivid picture, and the dialog is pretty good. I would consider putting it into screenplay format and hooking up with an aspiring director doing a 50/50 credit split and making a sort film.
Stefan Comment by: Stefan - 2007-11-11 14:54
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What's the time period? It'd be a lot better if I knew it was modern.
jamesgormley Comment by: jamesgormley - 2007-01-06 08:49
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Dear Jenny,
You have a really good sense of dramatic pacing and of building suspense (and interest). Once boilerplate items (such as those polishing basics correctly mentioned by our friends below) are addressed, you will have some good pieces in your portfolio.
I look forward to reading the next parts.....
All my best,
James
gerrydodge Comment by: gerrydodge - 2006-11-21 02:32
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Hi, Jenny, I see real potential here in your writing, but you are going to have to work on grammar and syntax. Also, I think you need to remember that often the power of a story are in the gaps. You don't need to tell the reader everything. Trust that they will know. But if you keep working, I think you have something here.
All my best,
Gerry
LadyPixie Comment by: LadyPixie - 2006-10-02 16:59
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I agree with others.. this story has great potential, but you definitly need to work on your paragraphing, punctuation and spelling. Overall, the plot is very interesting and I will continue to read.
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