writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
gsfaust
Gabrielle Faust
United States, Texas, Austin

Words: 126
Access: Public
Comments: 2

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




"Ice Storm"

The breath of souls hangs
Trapped in shimmering grey icicles
From branches barren
With the dormancy of death,
A cold so bone-deep that
It breaks the will of the masses
Driving them further into their hovels,
To cower with ashen pallor,
Beside flickering blue flames,
Confronted with their own mortality
And fragility, so easily shattered,
Like severed power lines draped,
Serpentine and sparking, across
The deserted black asphalt;
I hear their heavy shuffling movements
Around me through walls,
Not equipped for Nature's wrath,
Their vitality stolen by a slick silver scythe,
And buried beneath an inch of ice,
To break the ground once again,
Green and purposeful,
When the cycle has completed
And the Reaper trudges back to his cave,
Satisfied with his week's heavy harvest.

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
frees340 Comment by: frees340 Online- 2007-12-16 20:29
Add to Readers
      
Dark. Good. Grim. You're a pretty rad awesome poet.
Favorite line: From branches barren With the dormancy of death. Aliteration is fun.
Comment: LOS is important, and you kept it to the letter. You might want to reconsider the power lines part. To me, this is a fantasy poem. It seems out of place. Then again, what do I know?
One more thing: Keep the flow on an even keel. You go from describing souls in icicles to commenting on cowering people, to something else entirely. You might want to look at that. Just consider it.
Very enjoyable read.
Robert Barlow Comment by: Robert Barlow - 2007-01-27 17:49
Add to Readers
      
Gabrielle, I especially liked, "The breath of souls hangs trapped in shimmering grey icicles." It has a lot imagery and is a great line with which to open this poem. Awesome. --Robert Barlow
1

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

frees340 (Online)
1

By gsfaust

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S