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A Circle of Light
The birthday faces smile, frozen in time
While the twinkling waxen totems' flames blur
--Candle apple lights! as tiny hands grip fast
The dizzy, warm, friendly carnival paint.
A magic, carny waltz grinds up and down.
Is it me? who's that little, no that big
Boy! Look mommie, look daddie; it's me!
Oh! It's slowing down. Please don't let it stop!
Blink, blink, grind . . . No! grandpa, you have to make
A wish. Wax, mute Criers hold their lanterns
Still. My circle of family surrounds the
Circle of light. It seems the universe
Is holding its breath as I surrender
Mine. Poof, and all the lights are now no more.
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Dear Haymish & Jan,
Thanks so much for your generous comments and observations...( :
ALl my best,
James |
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| I think this piece is a great example of fantastic realism, of where surrealism encroaches on ordinary lives. The frequent punctuation allows all of your family to establish dialogue whilst you layer the sights and feelings of being in a world that is not normal (confined to the laws of physics), but fantastic in scope. The lines exude brevity upon recitation and there is a lot of energy that can be felt. There is lots of linked metaphor which add to whimsical sentiments of a fairground of youth and then your transmute that scenery into space. The poof sound is really effective , thereby showing the reader that there is a return to this world again. |
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Comment by: solaris - 2007-04-22 10:33
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lol, it just made it easier for me reading it aloud... i have a habit of tripping up my tongue - even when reading my own.
howdy,pardner
don't eat all the chillibeans |
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Dear Jan,
LOL, well, pardner, welcome to the James Gormley Poesie Corral!
Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
I will give a serious thought to the "wax" vs. "waxen." Rhythmically, waxen feels better to me, but maybe I'm wrong......( :
James |
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Comment by: solaris - 2007-04-22 10:16
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well dammit, james, why haven't i been reading this before? :D
a dizzying read, almost like the effects of holding one's breath for too long and conjured by your imagery - so much light, so much movement, and the blurring of both the candles and how a carousel would look at night spinning faster and faster... the warmth of the colours, the pausing on the edge, the slipping of that last breath and leaving me thinking of the next candles that will be lit. this bears reading over and over.
ok, i can't really see much to offer here that could be any help, unless you want to reduce waxen to wax for smoother in-line reading. i can see the links between this wax and what follows the end of the poem. pretty clever, ain't ya? lol
A Circle of Light
The birthday faces smile, frozen in time
While the twinkling waxen totems' flames blur
--Candle apple lights! as tiny hands grip fast
The dizzy, warm, friendly carnival paint.
A magic, carny waltz grinds up and down.
Is it me? who's that little, no that big
Boy! Look mommie, look daddie; it's me!
Oh! It's slowing down. Please don't let it stop!
Blink, blink, grind . . . No! grandpa, you have to make
A wish. Wax, mute Criers hold their lanterns
Still. My circle of family surrounds the
Circle of light. It seems the universe
Is holding its breath as I surrender
Mine. Poof, and all the lights are now no more. |
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