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Rae
Tawny Christine
United States, South Carolina

Words: 678
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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Untitled Until Further Notice

Another creative writing assignment... based on Langston Hughes': Theme for English B:
http://www.eecs.harvard.edu/~keith/poems/English_B.html
--------------

Of right and wrong a world begins.
The beings of heaven hover as
The elixir of life showers atop our heads...

I write down my dreams, draw of mythology and past.
Music flows magically from my fingers and my eccentric characters,
angry from being weighed down all day,
show their stripes on stage; combining,
their silver mist dissolves and glare red,
desiring freedom enough to possess me.

I enjoy solitude and silence deafens my ears pleasantly.
While I am this,
I am shrouded in confusion, yearning, free speech, and life; tears, fear and death.
My everlasting love for my parents and family stay with me everywhere I go and I know
He smiles silently upon me; I feel the love that radiates from him.

A cadaverous, pale spirit harboring randomly spaced jewels that sparkle maliciously,
teasing playfully.
I am cold and callous.
I am lost.
But I realize the presence of pernicious ways in my personality-
its flaws and torn edges, worn from time.
A soul that feels ancient,
torpid and set in its old ways of shyness and the production of expectations that are too great.

Often caught in a breeze
I deeply breathe in wisps of purity scented of soil, earth, freshly cut grass,
and even the hints of oncoming rain.
My eyes tend to stare blankly into the sky,
just trying to catch sight of the invisible and hear the words I've longed for forever.
The shapes of creatures not yet named exist in the clouds and stay imprinted on my memory
as they gingerly float by.
How hard I've searched that ocean so frequently.

There is power that rises so swiftly through my veins,
surging forcefully to the point of pain.
I see crimson blood flow,
shadowing my sight and leaving a light tinge that bleach will never take care of.
The scarlet-stained dirt ahead is saturated and cakes together before my every step.
My scars sting and burn like salt on a wound;
those wretched flames grow higher and lick at my ankles.
I see him and all he's done for me;
so much that I'll never be able to repay.
The warmth spreads from my toes and all becomes well.
I don't worry much now for I make sure those
whispered words are heard by him well into the night'¦

There is a moment of enlightenment in life,
When one finds that
The discovery of self is
A long journey indeed.
Piled high with boulder, rocks, pebbles,
Of confusion, grief, pressure'¦
They crush the mind, leaving indescribable damage until suddenly,
All regenerates, forms, and gains identification'¦
And the spirit then dissolves them all
To dust'¦.

I am one who's frightened.
Observing the catastrophic happenings'¦
Incidents bringing pain and sorrow, destruction,
CLARITY.
Proof of a higher spirit present'¦
A realization that makes minds clench.

In the public halls or the schools days,
I notice more wrongdoing than I care to remember.
In my mind, I am one to examine all with a blank face quiet disposition
if I am to convincingly hide my true sorrow.
It allows my throat to burn with a rage in private for
He knows how I feel;
the exact count of tears I've shed.

There isn't enough here to hold us until the end, but what we have is hurtling us toward a close much faster than we could ever contemplate. We WILL suffer for what we've done and what we will do.


We are closer than we think-
and that is the cause of my anguish.
It has begun with the growth of roots that grasp my heart and mind deeply,
stirring my need and desire to help...
my need for a change.
My conclusion begins and ends with a devotion to a being that is much more than me.
I adore and cherish him...
He is MY beginning and end and all that I see.
All that I will ever see.
This is me.

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Comments  
shaft Comment by: shaft - 2006-06-24 11:59
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I enjoyed it and what Sean said was spot on.

However I would criticise you for using cliches, 'power through veins' 'elixir of life' and others but these seem to drop away with the formal structure which can only be a good thing. The other problem with your poetry, making it eminently publishable, is the stature of reader it is aimed at i.e. yourself. It is fantastic work but will slip over many heads as we are not all able to work on such a level.
Funkylele Comment by: Funkylele - 2006-03-17 07:10
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Your use of imagery and the introspective spiritual inner dialogue shared through poetry is similar in feel to that of Khema (she posts here...is my beautiful ex wife...actually convinced me to post her also...). I may therefore be biased, but I really like the way you move through your feelings and ideas and pull me into your vision which is both alien and hauntingly familiar terrain
the optimist Comment by: the optimist - 2006-03-17 02:31
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I read this with open mind and found a lot of wonderful insight there inside I really loved the read and it gives an air of innerself and spirituality very thought provoking wow
Joni Ramos Comment by: Joni Ramos - 2006-03-16 15:59
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This is sort of a spiritual journey for me. I can relate to the discovery of growing up and "awakening" beauty in ourselves which comes with time and making a change within. Great writing.
Comment by: - 2005-10-30 07:28
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Hi Tawny,

This poem presents a fine balance of concrete and abstract thoughts, and is expressed in highly-wrought fashion that shows a good grasp of your tools.

I particularly like the way the formal unity of the first couple of stanzas becomes looser, more reflective ast the poem becomes less declarative. There is some very nice, subtle imagery too - the saint at the stake suggestion is effective, and the way that the pain modulates to warmth adds to the insight that extremes approach each other (destruction / renewal; love / fear). You deal with complex ideas, but you do a good job here.

I'll check back again, post more soon.
Regards
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