'That's right you little faggot, just keep walking. After all I wouldn't want you to break a nail.'� The light-haired boy clenched his fists, but continued to walk. Behind him a crowd began to gather and the big, curly-haired boy continued to antagonize him. 'I guess you don't wanna fight, then again I wouldn't want poor little Alyx to lose his self-control and try to feel me up.'�

'Leave it Ritter. Him being gay doesn't concern you.'� A tall dark haired boy stated coldly as he stepped from the growing crowd.

'It does if he has a man crush on me.'� The other boy scoffed.

'Don't give yourself so much credit. You think that just because you're captain this year that you've turned into some hockey god and everyone should worship you. He doesn't like you, can't you get that through your thick skull, or has all that hockey damaged your brain?'�

'You better watch it Harper!'� Ritter viciously replied, a hint of threat in his voice. 'Sticking up for someone like him,'� he continued pointing menacingly at Alyx, 'people might think you're one of them.'�

'What is going on here?'� A voice screeched from within the crowd. Suddenly a short woman emerged from the audience, anger shining in her beady eyes. 'You three had better not be fighting.'� She scolded while shaking a long red nail at them.

'No ma'am.'� All three boys responded in unison.

'Good, now get to class, all of you!'� As everyone scurried off to their classes a hand wrapped itself around Alyx's arm. He turned as his deep green eyes met startlingly blue eyes, which were filled with worry.

'Alyx are you okay?'� Alyx slumped slightly and cast his eyes downward. Taking a deep breath and smiling he looked up and met the other boy's eyes.

'I'm fine. You worry about me too much Michael.'� Michael playfully hit Alyx's arm.

'Just lookin' out for you.'�

'Yeah, yeah you protective brat. Anyway, are you coming over tonight?'�

'Yup. See ya tonight.'� Michael dropped his hands from Alyx's shoulders and turned to leave. 'Oh and Alyx, be careful.'�

'Yes mother.'� The other boy muttered as he headed off to his class.



After school, Michael sat in his room after breezing through his homework. Making his way over to his white desk he sat down and grabbed a pencil and a badly worn notebook. Turning the notebook over, he flipped to where the most recent addition ended. Snatching the pencil off the desktop he furiously began to write. Every once in a while he would pause and slip the end of the pencil in between his teeth before continuing once again.

Slowly the sun began to dip below the horizon, blanketing Michael's room in darkness. The only light left was from an Ikea lamp on his desk. Suddenly he threw the pencil down. Grabbing his car keys he ran out the door.

Shivering violently in the cold winter air, he regretted not grabbing a jacket. He looked at his car and upon seeing that it was caked in snow, cursed loudly. After quickly unlocking the doors he grabbed his snow scraper and hastily swiped all of the snow off of his car. When he was finished he hurriedly wiped off his rusty Michigan plates. Slipping into the car, he jammed the keys into the ignition and attempted to start the car.

One'�two'�three times he fervently tried to start his car. Slamming his fists on the steering wheel he came to the conclusion that such violence would achieve nothing except a well-deserved headache from the perpetual blaring of the car horn. Finally, after several more tries the car started.



Minutes later Michael arrived at Alyx's house. After ringing the doorbell he only had to wait a few moments before the door swung open to reveal a very perturbed blond boy. Alyx didn't even wait for Michael to say anything as he pulled him hurriedly into the house before slamming the door closed behind him.

'Michael Harper, where have you been?'� Alyx practically screamed at Michael, the worry and anger evident in his voice. 'You were supposed to be here an hour ago!'�

'I'm sorry mother; I didn't realize I had to be here at a specific time.'� Michael grinned sheepishly at the shorter boy.

'Well now I have just wasted an hour waiting for you.'� Alyx replied angrily. The blond boy turned to walk away, but was stopped as Michael wrapped an arm around his waist pulling him against his chest. Before Alyx could protest Michael silenced him with a deep kiss. 'What was that for?'�

'I missed you. I'm sorry about what happened at school, I just couldn't control myself. You know how I get.'�

'It's okay,'� Alyx replied softly while laying his head on Michael's shoulder. Pulling out of the taller boy's embrace he added, 'Well, go to my room, I need to finish something up.'�

'I thought you said you wasted an hour waiting for me.'� The dark haired boy responded with mock hurt. At the other boy's comment Alyx rolled his eyes and made a rude hand gesture over his shoulder. 'I feel so loved. Besides I thought that was my job.'�

Laughing Michael made his way towards the other boy's bedroom. Slowly he slid the door open to reveal Alyx's immaculate room. Michael had always thought his boyfriend's perfectionism was entertaining and loved to mess him up, but as he walked towards the CD holder something caught his eye and he paused. A tiny corner of a notebook was sticking out from under Alyx's bed. Michael bent down and pulled out a very grubby notebook, one which he had never seen.

Curiosity got the better of him and he opened the cover of the notebook, silently padding over to the door he checked to make sure Alyx wasn't coming then went back to where he had been standing. Turning his attention back to the notebook he began to read'�

Today at school Jake teased me again. It's getting harder and harder to ignore. I mean he just completely tries to rip me up. Thankfully Michael stepped in, but I'm scared. If anyone found out about us'�I don't know what would happen. I shouldn't worry about these things though. Not anymore. Not my dad or Ritter or anything. I have to stop caring, especially about Michael. I love him so much, but I don't want to hurt him. He's the only thing that's been holding me back all this time, but I know that if I don't hurt him, he'll end up hurting me and I just can't hurt anymore. Soon, very soon it'll all be over. No more pain. Ever again. I know that if you had a brain you'd be thinking, yeah right you'll be back tomorrow saying the same thing. I won't, this time I mean it. I can't take it anymore. I feel as if I'm digging a hole around myself and the deeper I dig the darker everything around me becomes. The deeper it gets the harder it is for me to be able to get myself out. So now I have hit rock bottom and there's no way for me to escape the darkness. You see I have to do it. It's the only way. I guess this is good-bye.

Alyx

Michael's breathing became ragged and tears welled up in his eyes. He stood paralyzed with fear, fear of what this journal was implying. Alyx was going to kill himself. Noiselessly Alyx slipped into the room and slid his arms around his boyfriend's waist. Slowly he tilted his head and kissed his lover's neck.

'Hey baby,'� Alyx whispered, ' whatcha doi--,'� the question died in his throat as he saw what Michael was holding. Michael felt his arms stiffen before the inevitable occurred. 'W-where did you find that?'� Alyx rasped shakily as his arms fell from Michael's sides. Suddenly, the notebook fell from Michael's grasp and plummeted to the floor, smacking loudly against the carpet, then the taller boy whipped around to face his counterpart. He looked at his lover as tears streamed down his cheeks and asked the one thing that would change his life.

'Why?'� Michael choked out. He watched distressfully as all emotion left Alyx's face. A look of forced serenity replaced the barely contained rage and immense fear that had moments before consumed him. 'Why?'� He strangled out again. Alyx took a deep breath before he collapsed on the bed in a heaping mass and started to shake with his sobs. Michael slowly sat down next to the other boy and wrapped his arms around him. He pulled Alyx as close to him as he could and soothingly ran his hands over the smaller boy's back. Both boys sat together crying until finally the tears subsided and Michael was able to find his voice. 'Alyx,'� he croaked slightly, 'why do you want to do this? Why didn't you tell me?'�

Alyx nervously raked his hands through his blond hair before turning to look the taller boy in the eye. Tears stained both boys' cheeks and an unfamiliar tension surrounded them. Furrowing his eyebrows in concentration he made to start, but closed his mouth and turned away. Then, in a strangled voice, Michael's question was finally answered.

' I guess it really all began when I was twelve'�

12 year-old Alyx Anderson arrived home after a long day at school, but the moment he walked in the door he knew something was wrong. The entire house was silent except for the soft sound of his mother crying. Curiosity clouded his judgment and he quietly tip-toed towards his parent's bedroom. Soundlessly he pushed the door open and froze at the sight before him. Tied to a chair was his mother, her mouth gagged with duct tape. Horrified, he watched as muffled sobs racked her body. Suddenly his father's hand reached out and tangled itself in a mass of her matted blond hair and jerked her head forward. Only then did he notice his father's presence. Kneeling on the bed, screwing some redhead with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a handful of his mother's hair in the other was his father. Slowly his father reached up and took a large gulp from his bottle before pulling his mother's head closer to where he screwing his slut. Turning to his wife, Alyx's father smiled maliciously before grinding out,

' Oh yeah, you like that bitch?'� Petrifying revulsion overwhelmed the young boy with the scene that lay before him. Rooted to the spot he couldn't bear to see what was before him, nor could he tear his eyes away due to the paralyzing fear that erupted within him, shooting through his veins and freezing his blood. Abruptly the repulsion overtook him and he retched upon the floor, simultaneously alerting the other occupants in the room of his presence. Wiping the vomit from the side of his mouth he looked up into his mother's eyes who quickly turned away in shame. From his mother his frightened gaze moved to his father. Immediately the fear rose in him tenfold and he slowly backed out of the doorway as his father pulled himself out of the red headed whore and stalked towards Alyx.

'You like the show boy? Or are you one of that disgusting kind? The kind that like other boys. Do you like this?'� He grabbed his penis and started rubbing it. Alyx gulped looking more scared than ever and began backing away a little faster. 'Not going to answer me? Well, you know what. You're filth that's what you are. Shit covered filth. You're a disgrace to the planet, just like your mother.'� Alyx's father continued to advance upon him, but Alyx's retreat came to an abrupt halt as his heels hit empty air, marking the top of the stairs. 'You should fucking die you worthless piece of shit, you don't even deserve hell you fucking little pansy.'� Then before Alyx could respond his father made the final advance and shoved him hard. The small boy flipped down the stairs and partway down a sickening crack joined the thumping sounds and there was a final crash as he landed at the bottom. Cradling his arm he chanced a look up the stairs at his father who laughed viciously and sent him an arrogant sneer before he turned on his heel and left.

Alyx sat stunned as pain seared through his body, but he didn't dare to move until he heard the front door slam and his father's car leave the driveway. Despite the throbbing protests of his body he ran up the stairs and flew open the door to his parents' bedroom. Hurtling to his mother's side he ignored his broken arm and instead he tore off the duct tape from his mother's mouth and proceeded to undo the knots of rope which bound her to the chair. After he was able to free her he saw the angry red marks left on her wrists and ankles and flung himself into his mother's arms who cradled him like a baby. Both clung to each other long into the night. Their sobs quickly became the only sounds in the house.

Alyx lay sobbing in his boyfriend's arms as Michael sat with stunned tears steadily streaming down his cheeks. After a time the smaller boy's sobs subsided and he slowly extricated himself from his lover's embrace. Placing a gentle kiss on Michael's lips, Alyx slid off the bed.

'I need some water,'� he croaked as his voice cracked slightly. 'I'll be right back.'� Alyx left the room before Michael could say anything and for a few minutes he continued to sit in the same position on the bed starting silently at the wall in shock and understanding. Suddenly it was as if a light switch had been turned on in his head. He had just let his suicidal boyfriend meander into the kitchen unattended'�and he had been in there for a few minutes.

Blood pounded in his ears as he ran towards the kitchen. As he approached he silently swung open the door to find Alyx sitting on the white tile floor with a knife in one hand and the other arm covered in blood. Michael froze, transfixed in horror as Alyx slowly lowered the knife to his forearm. He watched with silent terror as his lover slid it across his porcelain skin creating a new gash from which blood bubbled dangerously, swirling down his arm to a pool on the floor. The dark haired boy snapped out of his trance.

'What the fuck are you doing?'� Michael screeched as he ripped the knife from Alyx's grasp hurling it brutally across the room. The bloodied cutlery landed with a loud clang, devastating the pure white tile, staining it with the violent red of the blood. Alyx slowly looked up at Michael with a glazed expression in his eyes. Suddenly his eyes rolled back into his head as he started to fall backwards towards the floor. Michael rushed to grab Alyx before his head hit the floor.

Picking up the smaller boy he carefully ran to the bathroom and laid him down on the floor. Michael let stream a colorful bunch of curses as he started wiping up the blood and bandaging his wounded lover.

'What the hell did you do to your self? God Alyx. Why now?'� Looking down at the bandaged boy he realized that Alyx was still unconscious, that and he had lost a lot of blood. Quickly picking him up he ran to Alyx's bedroom and deposited him on the bed. He dashed over to the phone and dialed 911.

'911 may I help you?'� A woman stated in a calm cool voice.

'My friend cut his wrists and he's lost a lot of blood. He passed out and I don't know what to do. We need help!'� Michael said very quickly, the urgency and fear painfully obvious in his voice.

'Oh dear. Where are you? I'll send an ambul'' Michael cut her off.

'4893 River Forest Lane. Please hurry!'� He paused for a moment, 'Is there anything I can do?'�

'Liquid, your friend needs liquid.'� Michael muttered his thanks and hung up the phone quickly. Looking at Alyx, he check to make sure his boyfriend was still unconscious then bolted into the kitchen. Forgetting about the blood he slipped and fell drenching his clothes in his lover's blood. Pulling himself to his feet he quickly retrieved a glass and filled it with water.

Sprinting back to Alyx's room he made his way to the bed. Carefully he lifted up Alyx's head and opened his mouth, slowly he poured the liquid into the other boy's mouth. Fear seized him. His boyfriend might die.

'You can't leave me,'� he cried. 'I love you too much. Why the fuck did you do this? God Alyx. Just, ah, fuck, why?'� Suddenly he felt Alyx stir a little beneath him. 'Alyx, Alyx wake up. I need you to wake up. Please for fuck's sake just wake up.'� Weakly Alyx opened his eyes.

'Shut up. God that hurts.'� Alyx hissed in pain. Michael shook as he cradled his lover crying again.

'Alyx oh Alyx I was so scared, so scared. I thought, I thought you were going to, to die.'� Michael sobbed clutching his broken lover. Alyx coughed several times.

'Michael'�I can't breathe.'� Michael quickly placed his lover back on the bed and sat back. Alyx coughed a few more times before choking slightly and when he drew back his arm there was blood on it.

'Shit Alyx. Blood. Fuck.'� Michael stated dumbly.

'Water,'� Alyx rasped. 'I need water.'� He fell into another coughing fit. Michael grabbed the glass and scurried back into the kitchen to refill the glass. Partway through he heard a small crash.

'Alyx,'� Michael called worriedly, 'are you okay?'�

'Needed tissue.'� Came Alyx's weak response. Michael continued filling the glass and took care to skirt around the pool of blood on his way back to the room. Pushing the door open he froze. Alyx was standing next to the bed, gun in hand. He held it up to his head.

'Stop! Don't do it!'� Michael screamed.

'I love you, I'm sorry,'� Alyx stated coldly as he took the gun down from his head and pointed it at Michael's chest.



BANG!



The gunshot rang through the air as Michael fell to the floor. Tears were streaming down Alyx's cheeks.

'Even though I never deserved you, I loved you so much; I could never bear to think of you dealing with the pain of my death.'� Kneeling down on the floor he placed one last kiss on his lover's lips before lying down in his lover's arms.

Another gunshot rang through the air and both boys would forever remain in each other's embrace.



'Wow!'� Exclaimed Alyx, 'That's what would have happened if you hadn't found the gun.'�

'I know,'� replied Michael, 'that's why I wrote it.'�

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