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The Fire Within Me ©
The swallow's left,
The summer fades
From freshest green to russet shades.
The fire within my heart so strong:
To only you ,my thoughts belong.
The days recede:
The mornings chill,
The fire within my heart burns still.
You lit a flame that will not die,
A longing that I can't deny.
The swallows dip
And fly away;
They leave behind a summer's day.
But passion burns inside me still:
I love you and I always will.
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Comment by: Anne - 2007-03-21 19:17
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| thank you so much robert |
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| Anne, not to sound cliche, but this poem is both short and sweet. I like the concept of the fire of passion still burning within the heart and refusing to die. --Robert |
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Comment by: Anne - 2007-03-12 03:57
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My punctuation is always rubbish, always getting pulled up for it.
Thank you all |
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-03-08 13:41
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This is a very lovely poem. I like the form, and only three verses in which you describe your love.
I would like to address a few minor things that can be easily fixed.
Consider removing the repetition, e.g., You start 6 lines in verses 1 and 2 with the word "the", then repeat "the" in the first line of verse 3, for a total of seven "the"s. Replace this word with possibly action verbs.
I took a creative writing course over this last summer, and a part of the grading criteria addressed punctuation. If a poem had more than 3 punctuations, points were lost. Consider removing all punctuation
from this poem, because it's not needed. All you need are line breaks.
Considering that you just started to write poetry, I think that you did very well on this poem. Thanks for sharing. |
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| Great piece. I just picked this one at random, just to see. Another jum though. Strongly written, and from the heart - can't go wrong really. |
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