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If I were a carpenter
If I were a carpenter
I could use your plane to shave a sliver
Of skin from your arm and liver
You know that organ you abuse
Late nights screwed on pills and booze
I would frame these delicate slices
And hang them, as they were the nicest
Preserve the pores that smelled of wood
The liver re-grown and made good
I should mitre your bones with block and saw
The flashing metal teeth would bite and gnaw
Like the lies you spread and the contagion
'Treat twice daily with medication'
I ought to countersink your eyes
Plug them with pieces of Lazuli
Keep them in a sandalwood box
Next to the ring and tarnished gold drops
Definitely sand your bullish mood
Removing splinters until it's smooth
Then gather up all the shavings
Bury it beneath the crazy paving
I will gently oil your blades of every trace
Restoring each one into their case
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| I really like your work. Your use of imagery is outstanding and, although the subject matter can be a bit gruesome, the effect is delightfully sickening, yet sympathetic at the same time. Good stuff! |
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| What a delight; first the poem of sniper photography with linkages all over the place, and now the familiar carpentry linking to memory. I think I will read some of your other work. |
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Comment by: mitra - 2007-05-30 05:13
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| I amazed at the way you pick a subject in every piece and manage to pack so many related references into the piece without sounding overdone. Nice work. |
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Excellent work! I love your use of metaphor here; your descriptions are excellent. Oh yes, and another thing :)
Your method of rhyme is something to behold, not every word is an exact match, not an exact rhyme. You have done a very good job creating a poetic story . The meter is consistent and the poem grabbed me and held my interest until the end.
keep up the good work!!
NJ |
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ah.. rebirth through violence and love. The classic story ;)
Great mind pictures, scared me a little - but in good ways |
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