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Hold On To Me
You open your mouth but nothing comes out.
Your eyes water, imagine what I've felt.
Your heart beat slower day by day.
I wish I can but I can't make you stay.
Open your eyes and take a look around you.
So many dying, so few have their faith.
I make myself numb, nothing can I feel.
You're fading so fast, I wish I had a say.
I just want to tell you, I will not give up.
Not till kingdom comes, not till you're gone.
Stay with me, we'll bet on our luck.
I'll do whatever it takes, to finish our song.
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| Great poem, it seems like its about a lot of things, some we can't even touch. You convey the loss and sadness well. |
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Comment by: sudipal - 2007-02-22 12:28
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My favorite line was also "I make myself numb, nothing can I feel."- there's a lot of pain in this poem that is being subdued, first with numbness, then with strength.
One thing, though. The second line of the first stanza should be either reworded or punctuated, probably something like:
"Your eyes water; imagine what Iā??ve felt."
Otherwise, nice work. |
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I liked this poem a lot, my favorate line that I could relate to was:
"I make myself numb, nothing can I feel."
My way of dealing with things that hurt too much, is blocking it out.
good job! |
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Comment by: sabihah Online- 2007-02-16 01:07
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| Good read, great pace, I like the strenght in the end, its unfair though some-times we wanna hold on and not give up whilst the other person is ready to let go. |
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