I invited the beast in,
Open arms welcomed
The only thing I fear,
The only thing I love -
Synonymous now, it seems?
But once...
A confession fell on ears
Not deaf but perhaps amused,
I could feel the smile shape the
Still air at the sound,
Still sounding in my ears,
Like the blood that won't stop
Pounding, a reminder,
As if I needed one.
I couldn't look at him
To tell the truth,
For too caught off-guard
By the heat of him alone,
To look into his eyes to
Say it would have been disastrous,
Asking him to devour my heart,
Again
[as if I haven't, at the thought]

Left me gasping in my car,
Panting at the pantomime
I play, too well.
How could I pretend otherwise?
How could I tell true?
"I am still in love with you,"
Spoken with a shudder, like
The kind you have, alone
In bed.
Once shared, now
Floating on air mere feet away,
We turn our backs on each other,
Ourselves, pretending we're not
Pretending anymore.
I know this isn't a science,
And that's why I'm drawn to it.
I can't measure this, this lack of
Blood flowing to my head,
Pounding in temples now
As you turn over in your sleep
I see, through walls,
To the place where I should be,
We.

Unloaded my most precious cargo,
Left,
Last gasp-
ing for air now
Last chance
Can't seem to catch my
Breath.

Kissed on the temple,
Farewell or hello?

It doesn't mean a thing now,
To you,
Fortunately, I'll forgive you that -
It matters not
To me,
For it matters the world
To we.
"A thing of the past,"
You think you say it, but
You do not, you only
Think you think it,
Think again,
Think past the past
Back to the beginning,
Pain measured in grains of sands,
Hands are weathered, tied
Always to you
I stay true.

---------------

"For I'll be far too
Far gone..."

You and I are exactly the same now,
We left each other altered,
Never truly leaving,
Having left, past tense,
Our past is tense
A thin wire,
Tight-roped and tripping,
Veiled at times,
You and I...
How can I say,
How can I ask,
What next will come
When...
All that I see is
A perfect sky,
Black and white
8 by 10s arrive,
A day too late,
Too soon you
Couldn't cure my blues,
Cure your crazy,
I tried, but not enough,
Tried and true,
Like the
Dandelion amid industrial wreckage,
Windswept and at peace yet
Frail in its ease, like me.
Calm always comes before the storm,
I knew there was a warning,
I took no heed in, took respite
Despite you, despite myself
To spite myself I came back,
Before, but, when
I hang, limber, on a word,
[A phone call changed a lifetime,
Or did it?]
Your resilience becomes your sword.
Once resilient, I was, now too
Diffident, dispersed into the air,
Particles I have become,
Pieces of me clinging to
Pieces of you hanging on
The edge, the cliff,
You said you'd drive over,
[Cutthroat and factual,
punctual only when aiming
not to please, but to pierce -
with a gaze you do, lack thereof,
of love]
Tumble to your feet,
Once again,
Humbled.

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