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DrCarter2001
Joel Shulkin
United States

Words: 204
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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The Endless Road

Driving down this highway road, five hours have I traveled.


 My eyes are bleary, body weary, mind torn and unraveled.


The signs flash by, another town, another exit ramp.


 It?s hard, I feel, to grip the wheel; my hands have grown quite damp.


 


The lights of passing cars streak by, a never-ending blur.


 Their many eyes have me mesmerized, as I start to think of her.


The road has vanished from my sight, I?ve traveled back in time.


 Words said in rage, they set the stage for my intolerable crime.


 


I yearn to make things different, to make fantasy seem real.


 My head clears fast by a car horn blast, and I quickly turn the wheel.


With no inch to spare, I jerk and bear my car back to my lane.


 Completely awake, my hands now shake, my heart cries out in pain.


 


I breathe in deep and focus on the miles left to go.


 The road winds on, the moment?s gone; I plod on sure and slow.


Down this highway road I drive, to where I do not care.


 Another bum, out on the run, headed for nowhere.


 


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Comments  
redtwinsis Comment by: redtwinsis - 2008-01-08 06:15
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Interesting:) there seems to be a couple typos though "it's" in the forth line...."I've" in the seventh line.....and "moments" in the 14th line....Just trying to help but I liked it :)
prolificsantu Comment by: prolificsantu - 2007-07-09 02:56
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very allusive to my conscience. i have felt the manytimes myself. when you are alone, in soltitude, you minds brims over many feelings, many fantasies, which you want to realize.
life itself runs in the same way as in your endless road.you drive, to where you do not care. but most times, you foolishly remark passing away of someone you love or not has put a tragic end to life.
life is like a river, as Herman Hasse observes in his Noble winning "The Siddartha". it flows on and on, no problem if it leaves behind someone it cared a lot. we are born into the river, we live upto certain distance and we go. during this short journey, you meet as many travellers as possible, you feign that you are loving them a lot, and caring in the same degree. in contrast, we also live behind our dears.
we were tought a poem while i was in my elarly college years. i cannot remember the poet and ingredients, i almost remember all
the peom went-
i was writing a peom about
how much i loved my wife
she burst into the room
i lost my poem
i curse her silently.

that is it...we are alone..forever..like you are in your poem "The endless Road"
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2007-04-15 17:53
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Powerful poem - makes me hold my breath wondering if there's to be a crash or not. PHEW. Close call. Here are a few suggestions. Other than these, GREAT JOB:

My eyes are bleary, body weary, MIND torn and unraveled.
typo?

It's hard, I FEEL, to grip the wheel.
To keep the rhyme scheme - another typo

neverending blur. Perhaps NEVER-ENDING, or could be NEVER ENDING, but to keep the connection, the first choice is probably better.

Keep the rhythm - With no inch to spare I whip my car back INTO my lane;

Punctuation needed: Fully awake; my hands now shake, my heart cries out in pain. Could be 3 separate sentences with !!! or use the semi-colon.

Just an idea, but in this line: Their SHINNING eyes have me mesmerized as I start to think of her.


Good work. Loved it.
PANDORA Comment by: PANDORA - 2007-02-16 15:30
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I can relate to the feeling of running fast to nowhere. I like the overall feeling of this piece. Even though it seems hopeless there is a hint of hope.

One suggestion:

Driving down this highway road, five hours have I traveled.

maybe

Five hours I have traveled down this highway road.

It just makes the flow of the piece better.

JMO-either way a good write.**
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