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All In a Day c 1998
On wings of gold she rides on high, Her spirit fills the clear blue sky. Her gaze shines brightly from above And warms all those who feel her love.
She guides the troubled, despaired, and lost And aides those who've been torn and tossed. Her beauty knows no rival in heaven; Her glory far surpasses her brethren.
She cares deeply for beast and man, But flora are her biggest fan. When her spirit then begins to wane, She glides down toward the golden plain.
Her hair flows from her holy head And springs to flame of orange and red. Her celestial fire expounds her grace, Inspiring lovers to embrace.
Her work divine complete at last, She returns home, and as each day past Beneath God's gaze she does now lay For tomorrow brings another day.
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| Thanks for the suggestions! I went through and made some edits, I think it flows more smoothly now. |
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Another beauty. Found only one typo - I miss them in my own work all the time, so not a bit deal. The beat is a bit off in some of the lines and the poem - if the rhythm is important to you - could easily be fixed. Here's the line with the typo:
Inspriing lovers to embrace.
INSPIRING - your finger hit the "i" too long. GRIN. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2007-02-20 12:07
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While this is a beautiful poem, I felt the rhyme scheme was a little pushed. So I read it out loud and I sill got the feeling that some of the rhyme was forced. I know it is harder than some people think to write a poem that rhymes and that flows at the same time. I think you almost have it.
The second and third stanza's are the ones that need a little more work.
I would (and usually do) make suggestions, but I would not want to take away from the beauty of the piece.** |
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Comment by: - 2007-02-17 10:08
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| I love the classical feel of this. Thanks for sharing. |
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