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flower
Thick waves of gold, strands spun finer than silk cascade down your ivory face, crashing gently on to supple shoulders.
dark eyes, holding secrets of past pleasures sparkle as they peer sheepishly through golden wisps.
Piercing me deeply, I am paralyzed, helpless as your wry smile beckons me closer, closer to death.
Wanting for your nectar, stronger than my will to live, pulls me closer.
the hunter overpowers the gatherer. The circle of life is complete.
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| strong imagery.....job well done :) |
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Comment by: sudipal - 2007-04-30 15:47
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Great imagery.
No comma after gold.
Has "gold" and "golden"- maybe change one of them. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2007-03-09 16:37
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I agree with Freda, this was an interesting piece.
I love when I read a new, fresh writing.
It is always a happy surprise.
as the peer sheepishly = they
I look forward to reading more.** |
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Comment by: nlinde - 2007-02-21 07:11
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| Great work! I hate to be a "blah" here, but I personally think that if you took "The circle of life is complete" from this piece it becomes much more lucid and powerful. Just talkin', keep up the good work. |
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Comment by: fredav - 2007-02-19 12:02
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Interesting piece, Ken. I gotta agree with Kelly about the format. I liked how different it was. The imagery was nicely put together. Only one sentence really threw me off..the 4th. But everything else flowed very well.
Piercing me deeply, I am paralyzed, helpless as you (did you mean 'your'?) wry smile beckons me closer, closer to death.
Thank you for sharing. Welcome to ER!
Freda |
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