LAY MY SWEET LADY (sonnet)
Lay my sweet lady, beside me please lay
Set our souls free on the winds of our dreams,
Lay my sweet lady, beside me please lay
A moment in time, this moment supreme.
Imaginings of the heart do enthrall
Engulfed am I in thy beauty this night,
Softly the wind whispers, list' to its call,
"Come, cast to me dreams of passion's delight."
Released our souls soar 'pon ecstasy's wave,
Swamped by thy rapture I summon my all
A soul 'tis captured, a body enslaved,
Drowning in pleasure, please heed to my call.
Stray not into darkness, seek not the day
Lay my sweet lady, beside me please lay.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| Beautiful lance...As I read you placed a picture in my head...the word flow was passionate and lovely...thank you |
 |
Comment by: abnich - 2007-02-19 07:15
|
|
You used the Shakesperean style sonnet form instead of the Petrarchan. I think it would have been a greater accomplishment if you could have written it Petrarch-style, as its often very hard to fit that italian ryhme scheme in english. Really though a person can get away with calling anything a sonnet these days as long as it has 14 lines and 10 syllables. Not that yours was bad, it was actually pretty good, but usually the sonnet is divided into 2 parts, the first presenting a problem, and the second presenting a solution.
I kind of got a kick out of such graceful words used to describe morning wood. I think thatd be something really cool to do is have a whole set of poems using really graceful words to describe something really mundane.
You did a good job like always, but I think the sex sonnet is a bit overused. Not that it takes anything away from your work.
For future reference Im going to try to provide constructive criticism not just "It was so beautiful and i like it". Id like to help improve and maybe get published, not just suck up to you, lol. |
|
|
*Beep, beep, beep*
My double ententre alarm is going off!
I might be reading into this a little to much, but I believe this poem describes what we in The States refer to as "morning wood"
Most people don't know a pentameter from a centimeter.
Excellent work as always. |
|
|
| Nice flow (iambic pentameter). Great choice of words. Well done! |
 |
Comment by: Anne - 2007-02-17 14:16
|
|
| so beautiful . lovely use of words |
| 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next |
|
