'dead any day now'

my body....throat tightens.....swells up inside me
i feel as though
my will to speak is paralyzed
my will to be is interrupted?
my muscles clench up
tensing up

they refuse to relax

because of an underlying emotion that i hold within

my being
all that makes me up
begins
to spin

as though it's night time
and the heavens
appear to be swirling around
like a milkshake

some effect relayed by the creation of a vibration
that made my stomach quiver

i will stand up
although i have nothing to deliver

i'll look into your eyes
and say all that need be said

gazing far off in the distance
remembering how we bled

all the lies we fed
to one another

we could make them truth again...
if only i had more time


if i can't do everything
then why do anything
is how i feel sometimes

i haven't slept
in what feels like days

i've bled just moments ago
clear droplets falling for a time

when i wasn't concerned with being yours
i felt it would be okay if no one was mine

day by day
i forget words before i speak
to people i don't know
i am left with a diminished
ability to say
anything at all

maybe i've been cursed
any curse i could surely break?
what must i sacrifce?
what will it take?
to put this all into perspective


i am like no one else
like an ancient dying tree
not quite feeling
but still fading away

in the wind sighing
watching the stars let go of the night
seems like it was just yesterday
i suppose we're all destined to end
destined to cry bloody tears
before our dying day

my heart just won't stop burning
like the cigarette you've lit
and shoved upon my brain
it just won't go out

i've lost track of what my thoughts
are even about

money hates me
makes me frown
as i peer into the frozen water

looking for someone worth saving..

how many dollars an hour
is something i care less
and less
about

as the moonspins
what i thought would start
refuses to begin

always from the start
and i wonder about ever again

my pursuit of happiness is all shriveled up
and my dreaming days
are starting to wear thin

won't you come with me???

wouldn't you love to starve with me?

and we could travel across this world....

they would call us struggling artists...

but we'd be doing just fine....

perpetually i'm lost somewhere beneath a myriad of thoughts

when i only want to be lost in you...

a faded picture type dream
the kind that gets stained by the water
unrecognizable from the damage
thrown away by the daughter

if only vapor never turned into liquid that froze upon me
sheets of ice that broke off and reformed
into a structure they call irregular, because it's nature made
can you relate to how the cold winter afternoons
make me feel only warm inside

if i lose it all i'm dead on the inside

born in the alieNation
with fists clenched
and a penchant for mis education

we are self-isolated

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