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Almost
Almost at the summit,
Above the world so high
Almost reunited with you
My soul and heart, the light
Almost at the end of the rainbow
Awaiting love's true prize
Scurrying in the intricate maze
To once more, see into your eyes
Almost within arm's reach
My heart begins to pound
But suddenly, a wound, so obsolete, will bleed
I plummet to the ground
Surrounded by a world that never was,
Eclipsed by a deep, black darkness
The valley that had once seemed so below,
is now a place where I live
I shall tell a friend a story
of a girl, confused but bold
She dreamt of reunion, power, and glory
and a dreaded darkness called almost
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Comment by: twoshea - 2007-07-05 00:55
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Okay, surrounded by a world that never was....fuckin magic.
This poem is really impressive. This is one of the best poems I have read in a while. I think you should concentrate more on this, feeling and emotion rather than physical description.
Great poem. |
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While some of your other work seemed more 'physically' motivated, this one is pure emotion and one we don't care to share too often. Failure. You painted strong pictures here. Like it was very personal to you.
And that last line is genius. Wow. |
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Comment by: - 2007-06-12 23:53
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Very emotional. I loved the almost palpable fear of 'what-ifs'. I think it's something we all feel so often when life seems to be speeding by. I don't think it is technically perfect, but that only adds to it's impact and I like the rawness, it's something that appeals to me and it's something I look for in music too - I don't like art to be polished and shining - I much prefer raw and tarnished.
This was a really good read.
Thanks for sharing. |
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Comment by: uglihed - 2007-04-28 14:16
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| Good write. |
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| Your last line is the strongest -- good to end there. I'd say rework the rest to get a better rhythm; however, you do maintain a steady rhythm throughout, it could just be improved upon. I do like the fact that you are emphasizing the story that you are telling the friend... good job there. Good work -- just needs a little polishing. |
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