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Silly Rhyme for a Sorry Man
I live my life in mutiny
a battle that's begun
without remorse in liberty
regrets I have but none
How quickly life does tarnish
riddle the soul with stains
that's why I always polish
the blemish of the pain
it's best to do this quickly
with alcohol and tears
a diet I use strictly
to wash my insides clear
what know you of a woman's heart
the sweet and bitter crave
touch love I say and break apart
in pieces to your grave
If ever love does find me
on one knee, ring at hand
rightly help to set me free
and kill me where I stand
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*I was in a silly mood this morning and I wrote this parody'¦ so, please note, I write this from a perspective that's not my own
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| I love the twist at the end, it makes this hard, brooding persona very humourous! Or, on a more serious note, it could be a country-and-western song lyric...! |
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Comment by: Nana - 2007-02-28 17:06
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| This is actually a serious perspective about love (whether it is your opinion or not). You put some interesting ideas out. I also loved the rhyming, especially the last stanza. It kind of closed the poem with a "broche de oro". Nice work! |
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| I really liked this piece...parody or not...because it can be oh so true. I also enjoy the "unusual" wording- gives the work an interesting twist. |
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Comment by: Ethgar - 2007-02-25 07:36
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I'm grateful for all your suggestions. The language is a bit unusual in some places and as I read that last line in the first stanza it does seem a little forced... I didn't intend it that way as I pictured this weathered worn sailor reciting this but... nonetheless... I think you're right it's seems coerced.
And thanks Joni, I want to correct some of those problems without loosing the meter as it gives it a comical feel. I'll try to search for a more suiting title. |
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| Love is a doubled edged sword that cuts many ways. For the most part, I liked your little parody, but the last line of your first stanza did not make any sense to me and felt as though it was just forced in there for the sake of finding a rhyming word. |
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