She took her foot off the accelerator coming up to the lights and put it back on as they turned green, feeling proud that she had managed to go for at least thirty seconds without Pete, her instructor telling her off for something. She didn't blame him for it; she was an appalling driver and no mistake! But this was the first time they'd been out on a main road and she was managing just fine, even going above thirty, which she'd never dared to do before! It was still a little uncomfortable to have that much power under her hands but slowly she was getting used to it, and obviously that was helping her to do everything else.

'Okay Olivia, we're going to take the next left,' Pete told her.

'Yeah, you hope' she couldn't help thinking, which was a mistake as it set off an argument in her head. Olivia had often wondered whether this was a sign of insanity, who else could have a full-blown argument in their own head? But she never seemed able to stop it. One voice came in telling her to be positive or she would never pass her test and another snapped back that she would never even get to her test so she may as well think negatively!

'And right here'

The voices went on as she checked her mirrors without really looking and indicated, what if she was too stupid to drive? She would have to leave it to Dave to do all of the transporting but the thought of being dependent on someone else made her angry 'you're going to have to' her mind chanted at her. She tried to block it out and focus on driving but abruptly the end of the road appeared far closer than she thought it was. She put her feet on the brake and clutch and pushed. Was it working? She pressed harder. Nothing seemed to happen. She shoved the gear stick around, making the car jolt as she caught the wrong gear. Finally, first gear! Suddenly the steering wheel jerked out of her hands as she went up the kerb. She grabbed it to drag herself back then felt her stomach plummet as the pedals disappeared from under her feet. Pete had slammed the instructor's brake on.

A second of silence

'Right. Into first gear.' Oh dear, she knew that tone of voice all too well. She'd stuffed up again and she was going to get it when the car was safely stopped and turned off. The pulling over went exceptionally well seeing as she was so loath to stop and let Pete have a go at her; for once she wasn't in front of anybody's drive or a side road or too near to a corner but somehow Olivia didn't think he would be too likely to notice. She slowly turned the key backwards and the sound of the engine died, leaving her sat in the uncomfortable silence that always preceded a serious telling off. She had time to realise that she was breathing quite fast before he began.

'Why do you think that went wrong?' He snapped. Olivia thought furiously but even though it had only been a few seconds ago, the mad rush of it all had made her forget what even happened

'I don't know,' She muttered at last

'Take a guess!' she sighed and racked her brains. The gears had gone wrong, that could have been it

'Because I couldn't change gear?' She hated it when her voice did that, making her sentence go up at the end like she was too afraid or too stupid to be sure of what she was saying

'Because you were messin' about with the gears, yeah but why else?'

'Messing' with the gears?? She defiantly stuck her chin up, but then slumped down again. He was right as usual. She should know the position of the gears by now. But what else? 'I don't know'

'It's because you were going far too fast!' Her heart rate began to slow and Olivia felt tears form in her eyes as the adrenaline rush stopped but she bit her lip, no way was Pete going to make her cry. At least not while he could see it. 'You're coming up to junctions way too fast and you're braking far too late! Where you braked, that's later than I would have!!' She tasted blood but kept on biting, it was a relief as it took her mind a little off what he was saying but the tears weren't going away. She would be okay if Pete would just stop shouting at her for five seconds! 'Your control of the brake is awful! I thought I'd got through to you but obviously not! You have got to start feeling for the car slowing down when you brake! You're not using the brake; you're putting your foot on it but you're not actually pressing it, you've got to feel the car slowing down!' A tear fell down her right cheek. That was okay, he couldn't see that side. 'The car is in your control now, you are driving it. I'm not here to drive the car I'm here to help you but you have to put the effort in!' She turned her head away; tears were dropping down both sides of her face faster than she could wipe her hand across them. Pete stopped talking but it was too late now, she had started and wouldn't be able to stop until she ran out of tears. 'Don't be upset'

'Bit late for that!' the sarcastic voice snapped inside her head,

'We all have bad days in driving'

I haven't had a good day yet

'You've just got to keep calm and try and keep control of the vehicle'

I don't know how.

'Next time we'll go back to basics and go over how to use the pedals' Her anger was fading now and an intense sadness made her feel tired and heavy all over. She half-listened to Pete, tears still flowing, not caring what he was saying. Back to basics. How to use the pedals. The very first lesson she had ever been taught and she was going back to it after seven or eight goes. She had been telling Dave and her family for ages that she wasn't getting any better, at least now she had proof. A fresh batch of tears came to her eyes as thoughts whipped through her mind. She didn't want to do it any more, she was so tired and it was so hard and she was too stupid to do it and even if she did eventually start to get it she would run out of money long before she got to her test. Maybe she should give up for a while and go back to it later when she was a little more'�. ready. But that idea was dismissed almost immediately, if she stopped now she would have to go through all of this all over again next time round. It was bad enough once. Twice. Going back to pedals next lesson means going from the start, again. She sighed and tuned back in to what Pete was saying. ''�And we'll go through it next time and get you working on your brake use. Let's swap back over'

Finally. She flopped in the passenger seat with a sigh of relief and put her belt on. The drive home was very quiet as she sat staring out of the window, trying to stop any more tears from falling. As they came up to her street Pete asked 'Are you okay now?'

'Just peachy.' Olivia wondered if she would ever be able to get rid of that sarcastic voice, 'Yeah'

'You've just go to-' She stopped listening. It didn't matter; she was never getting in a car again after this. Not to drive it anyway. They pulled up outside her house, Olivia paid and said goodbye without moving her eyes from her feet. Pete's parting words, 'See you next week', made her just barely smile.

'Yeah right.' For once she agreed with the voice. Never again was she setting foot in the driver's side of a car.
She could do with more exercise anyway.

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