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tar
tia robinson
Canada, toronto

Words: 425
Access: Public
Comments: 11

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I stand-alone

Time has come to an end and the world is no more. Hands that were once tainted by blood are no more. The cries of the innocents are now silenced. Now I stand-alone devoured by my own thoughts surrounded by the faces that I once killed. Their cries of pain drawing me to my knees, their screams deafening in my ears, echoing whispers like those of the jagged ends of knifes slowly cutting into me; and my elastic like flesh drawing nothing, but the warm sent of my blood. Grasps as cold as ice surrounded me, hollowed eyes stare downward towards me looking into the depths of my soul. Raised frigid hands slowly,but cautiously move down, the length of the flat, rough, surfaces of my cheekbones. While each newly additional arctic hands outlines my face with every touch. The once so icy hands grow warm, and hollowed eyes were no more. Now laid upon this wet earths drenched exterior my eyes grow cold and dark.

Awaking from a deep sleep I find myself lost. My body has now grown rigged and stiff from the cold. The now bittersweet air seems to weigh down upon me. Pushing me further downwards towards this bed of putrid mud; which has cocooned it self around my body. Long, slender fingers of mine pierce the earth leaving behind clawed impressions of my fingernails. As I dug myself out of what seemed to be my grave. My mind now racing, seems so unclear, yet stable. I drag myself across the wet seeping earth rubbing the raw surface of flesh off my stomach, which has now grown tender. Now distanced from the thing that was once my grave I gaze upon my reflection in a shallow pool of water, incrusted within the earth.

Touching my face I slowly moved the tips of my fingers cross its rough surface, which has now grown cold and frigid. Trembling fingers now search. Gazing deeper within this incrusted pool. As acid like tears begin to flow stinging me, and smoothing the rough exterior of my face and everywhere it touched. While, I continually circled the outlines of my eyes, which have now grown hollow. I sat, and waited, I cried, I pondered, I listen to the screams .I shall not die for I have escaped my own death. There is no heaven or hell for me, so I shall I forever wonder this place alone, but I am not alone, because I shall endlessly be accompanied by these thoughts. That will once again devour me.

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Comments  
Koinonia Comment by: Koinonia - 2007-03-12 05:29
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I agree with cinesanity, this really needs to be heard to be fully appreciated. Very descriptive but it does seem to jump about tense-wise and there are a few typos. I think if you tidied it up it would be spectacular.
cinesanity Comment by: cinesanity - 2006-05-19 11:28
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Terrific. i only wish i could have heard you read this. It's so verbal that it needs to be ushered into life by a voice. i'm not a very good editor like the rest of these people. i let my wife strangle out the problems of diction & tense. Here i am only measuring what i read... What it made me feel like... I feel/felt good. Thanks.
hulshizer Comment by: hulshizer - 2006-03-19 08:32
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You keep jumping back and forth between past and present tense in this story. You have to choose one, and faithfully stick with it. It is OK to be cryptic when writing poetry, maybe even expected, but when writhing short stories, you had best let the reader in on what you are thinking and do it early on.
MaggieMay Comment by: MaggieMay - 2006-03-15 15:35
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The opening of your story is really drawing! You have unique ideas. You paint a picture of some one being eaten up on the inside; someone being spiritually devoured! This is excellent. I'll book shelf it. ;-)

one thing:
"wet earths drenched" should be "wet earth's drenched" I beleive. :-/
lyongyrl3 Comment by: lyongyrl3 - 2006-01-30 05:10
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you definitely have a foundation for some really substantial improvement. i believe you will get better and better as you write more
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