I've gotten to a point in life where I've learned to NEVER, under any circumstance, underestimate the idiotic nature of humanity. Not only do I see it on TV, hear it on the radio, and read it on the 'net, but I also live in Los Angeles, where ignorance gets the red-carpet treatment, and basks in the glow of it's own pretentiousness. Why I still live here is as good of a guess as yours, but I've convinced myself that I surely pissed someone off in a previous life. (Just don't call me Surely!)

One could argue endlessly about the media's, society's, or even politics' impact on humanity's growing ignorance factor, and/or how/if they affect one another. However, this column will not focus on these areas of interest. This column will go above and beyond the debating, and address the simple question of, "What's Next" in the evolution of human stupidity.

Feb. 28, 2007

For those of us who couldn't quite get to sleep watching golf, we now have televised poker for the masses. Americans' lives have become so incredibly boring, that televised poker actually has an audience. (Never mind the fact that society still condemns people who actually play board games and RPG's.)

You'd think with all the political, philosophical, and social issues that plague American society today, that all the experts' armchairs would be too crowded for games.....but alas, I am once again proven wrong! Apparently, we've hit yet another low in American media , and just when I thought that Reality TV was the apex of mind-numbing, drool-inducing innovation.

I'm not just talking about celebrity poker anymore, here. I'm seeing just regular dudes in cowboys hats sitting around a table, and playing poker. Nothing wrong with playing poker at all. However, if people are watching it, that means they're not playing it, and if anyone is too lazy or socially disconnected to play a game that's the tabletop equivalent of fishing, then there are much bigger issues at hand.

So, we collectively shake our heads and ask......."What's Next?!"

I think the next step in television programming will see cameras in the living rooms of these beer-guzzling, couch potatoes, who watch poker on TV. Yes, televised poker-watching! "OMG!! It's like combining peanut butter with jelly!", you say. Well...don't get out your checkbooks quite yet, ladies and gentlemen. Save that hard-earned cash for the white-collar executive that steals my idea and presents it to the rest of the boardroom. I want to make sure someone else gets a really good retirement package for "thinking outside the box". After all....I rather enjoy NOT getting paid to think.

Now, not only will we get to see televised poker being played right in front of us, but we also get a glimpse into the exciting lives of the people who watch poker on TV, and maybe.....just maybe......the question humans have been asking since the dawn of time will finally be answered;

"Exactly what kind of life does one live to NOT have the resources to play their own game of poker?"

Sure, first it'll be "Celebrities Watching Poker" to get the interest of the general public, but eventually, they'll be able to dig up the "Professional" poker-watchers. The real MEN...complete with their own line of cowboy hats and sunglasses. After a few years of this....poker-playing, watching, and possibly a "reality" show involving the lives of people behind the cameras of poker watching, (complete with all the heated, tense drama that ensues on a minute-by-minute basis) poker will officially get it's own network.

Until then, mankind hangs in the balance........and watches more poker.

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