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Como Agua...
There is fluid grace in you.
You are the sparkle of raindrops
sliding down frosted glass,
connecting, dividing, falling
into the embrace of gravity.
There is fluid grace in
the way your hands paint
with words--where colors
spring like elegant seraphs
and stars rise, moons set,
and fire swallows the earth alive.
There is fluid grace in you.
Seductive as chocolate fondue,
Suckao, and toffee caramel frappe...
And just the thought of you
is disturbing enough, but
I'd rather have you melt in my mouth...
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| Milner! Thank you so much for sparing some of your precious time reading my work. I have edited it and yes, i find it less restrained this way. I hope you like the changes i made. - Tina |
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Beautiful, Cristina. I'd be very tempted to be even bolder though, in the 2nd lines of the first and the last stanzas, and go from simile to metaphor. Something like 'You are the bright raindrops' and 'You are chocolate fondue'. I think you might work those lines better than I've done, but I just think the directness of metaphor would be stronger. But don't mind me - a lovely poem.
milner |
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| Thank you very much, editors of Up the Staircase! It was inspiring to read your comment. More power to you and your mission! - Tina |
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Beautiful, sensual, and full of luscious textures. I'm very impressed by this poem...one of the best I have read today.
Thanks for the great read! |
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| I like this poem alot..."you remind me of raindrops sliding down frosted glass" Beautifully put! Love it! |
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