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decentstrummer
Amelia Keating-Isaksen
Canada, Barrington

Words: 182
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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eighty beats per minute

And how easily
These hours drop like
Pins, jaws breaking on concrete
Floors, the alignment shattered
Before ever we were aware it was in place
And further we collect
More and more
Like rampid
Theives
That would
Sooner store these
Earthy treasures for later
Save it all for tomorrow or
The next day; satisfaction tastes better
Aged, we reason. And we
Build a railway of
Promises to
Ourselves,
Hoping to one day
Gain the strength to build the
Locomotive that will give reason to
All the incentive we
Meant to give.
But
In the height
Of our procrastinated
Supposed youth, all the
Clouds we wished to give birth to
Sweet rain have evaporated.
Old dreams, vanished
Into the back
Of the mind,
Scarcely
Returning to the
Forefront of the scene
Where it once shined innocently.
It is only by foolish desire that we fall at
The exact hour we wish but
It is something we
Do not choose
And the
Quiet
Grows
And
Ends,
As
If it
Were
Always
There.
Only
Wait-
ing
'Til
You
Real-
ized
You
Should
Have
Done
More.

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Comments  
Matthew Eduard Abuelo Comment by: Matthew Eduard Abuelo - 2005-05-27 14:34
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"And how easily
These hours drop like
Pins, jaws breaking on concrete" good line. The flow of the poem moved rather well. The single word lines also worked. The poem seems to ring more truth when you reach you your thirties. Good job.
cinesanity Comment by: cinesanity - 2005-04-25 10:50
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How old are you again? i say that playfully. i'm nearly 44, have been scribbling poetics since 1983, & this piece rings so true to me [excluding "Supposed Youth"] for the difficult journey to write & struggling in the finding of ourselves which is locating our voice [as people call it].
Exact metaphors: the locomotive, the Clouds...
The first 6 lines really pull me in & are structured with refinement, while also letting you loose to speak in an individual tone... wildflowers growing in a vacant lot.
Ahhh... admirable work...
And i must add, being a writer, not strictly a reader [often a bad reader, because i'm always prone to write], it IS inspiring...
i'm glad you got these emotions out.
Eating your dread alive...
zwhite66 Comment by: zwhite66 - 2005-04-04 21:04
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that was an absolutely beautiful poem. Well written, and creative use of words and lines. I like how it ends with half words and words single file in a line hitting the point home. Very nice description, and word usage. I'm going to check if you wrote anything else, and read it. If there isn't anything, you should post some.
Zachary
Debauchery Comment by: Debauchery - 2005-03-27 23:44
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I have had to many of these moments and siuations in my life. Well put togther it really struck me>
1

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