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skettio
Kimberly Rodarte
United States, PA

Words: 171
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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Pig Suede

I watch grown men trample each other,
while a lady in a white fur coat holds a sign,
Blood, Guts, & Glory.

I wonder if she's afraid
that her coat might get dirty against the fence
or spoteed with someone's carless beer.

Not many are wearing cheap black leather,
shoes that are all man made, and a pig suede hat,
but I bet they'd give up everything they have
for this cup of hot chocolate
and a perfect love like mine.

The field is covered in injured bodies,
yet the crowd keeps cheering on,
men not able to leave under their own power.
I can leave any time.

I just have to close my eyes
and I'm with you,
my body convlusing with laughter,
as my soul radiates love like the sun.

I hear the words, "touch down" as I'm thrown back
into this game of black and blue jerseys,
but I don't belong here,
where this referee keeps making bad calls
and hotdogs with ketchup and mustard
become full course meals.

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Comments  
PANDORA Comment by: PANDORA - 2007-03-31 11:26
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I really liked the comparisons.

They were unique and sharp. They really made a picture in my mind.
I also was surprised at the change to what you have and what you don't need.

It started out one way and then totally shifted which caught me off guard.

I did not check for mistakes, flow problems , yada, yada, yada
I just enjoyed the read.

A great and surprising journey**
dnieman Comment by: dnieman - 2007-03-20 07:55
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nice piece. i liked the imagery in this. nice language too. good job
cheers
milner place Comment by: milner place - 2007-03-18 13:11
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Rings with changes wonderfully. Grabbed me from the start.
Comment by: - 2007-03-05 13:30
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Lovely. I love how you insert the little bits like "cup of hot chocolate / and a perfect love like mine." or the whole fifth stanza into an otherwise ugly image...

Just one thing - "convulsing" doesn't really sound like a good thing... and when it's put together with "radiates" the first image that popped into my head is a nuclear disaster.

(I know, I have an odd mind that makes odd connections...)

Oh and also, there's a few typos floating around that you might want to fix.

Love this poem, it reminds me of my boyfriend... :)
1

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By skettio

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