If you wallow and mope
Life still passes by
And you might miss some good bits
So don't sit and cry

Open your heart dear
And pump out the pain
Let in the sunshine
And welcome the rain

Polish your smile
And banish your fear
For love is still out there
Year after year

Yeah, right'¦

Well if it's true what you tell me
About fish in the sea
I'll go hump a whale
And eat shark fins for tea

My life would have porpoise
I'd come out of my shell
And dance with the prawns
To a tuna known well

I'd chat up some mussels
Teach the blowfish to blow
Up the arse of an urchin
While the starfish all glow

I'll have a good laugh
With those fish in the sea
And grope a garoupa
If you don't want me

So bring me a net
And bring me a rod
And I'll test your suggestions
On coley and cod

I'll grab a few dab
And have a good natter
And the ones who don't like me
Will end up in batter

I'd ravish a ray
And say What the heck,
Let's make bubbles at your plaice
My home is a wreck

I'd ignore any chains
Rising up from old anchors
They just lead to the surface
And ships full of wankers

I'd have sex with a seahorse
While monkfish confess
Their delight when the octopus
Helps me undress

I'll drown in deep blue
I'll froth in the foam
With flotsam and jetsam
As the roof of my home

I'll reel with the eels
Do the jellyfish jig
And crawl home with the crabs
Christ! That conger was big

I'll hunt down a haddock
And screw a few sole
I'll seduce all the oysters
And swallow them whole

If the dolphins get close
I'll fornicate Flipper
And ask him to spank me
Till I look like a kipper

If the sturgeon's a virgin
He won't be for long
And the trout will come out
If my come-on's too strong

My love life has floundered
So here's my last wish
To be buried at sea
And surrounded by fish

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