I want to be a TV cop.

I want to have an illegal switchblade on my person at all times, and use it only to open suspicious envelopes and taped-off crime scenes.

I want to dress beyond my means, and never, never sleep.

I want to investigate the most intriguing cases. If you promise to never make me chase down a mugger, I promise to catch the serial cannibal that turns out to be a dead war criminal who had a sex-change operation to conceal his identity.

I want to be a TV cop.

I want to be a loose cannon, a disgrace to the uniform I only wear to the funerals of inferior TV cops.

I want to play by my own rules, get justice by any means necessary, and let the results speak for themselves; civil rights are for the innocent.

I want to be the reason my captain hasn't had sex with his wife in months.

I want my ass to never be off the line, unless it's in a sling. My ass will have feet with skates on them, and it will always, always be found landing graceful triple axels on the thin ice.

I want to be a TV cop.

I want a partner who's going to be shot three days before retirement, because my relationship with my new partner will be defined largely by palpable sexual tension.

I want to carry a revolver, and I want my partner to carry an automatic. Both of them will hold more bullets than seems realistic.

I want to reveal that I speak Latin three seasons after you think you know everything about me.

I want to have a tragedy or crippling character flaw in my past that casts a shadow on my present daily.

I want to possess a limitless potential to do bad, and focus it on achieving the greater good.

Oh God, how I want to be a TV cop.

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