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Flat out like a goanna
It was about twenty years ago and I was working on a cattle station north of Cloncurry. We had been mustering and stopped for smoko and each of us had our Quartpots on the fire to boil for a cup of tea. The Blue heeler we had with of us was owned by the boss his name was Ringer, the dog decided to check out the surrounding bush near where we were having lunch. I was eating a corned beef sandwich and glanced over to see the blue heelers tail wagging ears pricked forward with a huge canine smile on his face as he looked into the end of a hollow log.
The smile on Ringer the blue heelers face quickly withdrew he barked savagely into the log. Suddenly out popped this big yellow sand goanna it got up on its two feet and started running flat out towards us with Ringer in hot pursuit. The goanna sped right into the circle of men sitting around the campfire it went straight through the campfire knocking over numerous pots of boiling water . There where clouds of ash and coals exploding on to everyone some of the men were jumping about franticly brushing hot glowing embers off themselves one of them cursed "Bugger me dead".
I watched the chase as it headed towards the portable yards full of penned cattle the goanna still running upright on two feet. The goanna must have thought going into the yard full of cattle would end the chase and he would be safe. Well he thought right as soon as he went into the yard Ringer the blue cattle dog stopped and just watched for any sign of the goanna. By this time I couldn't help not laughing at the whole commotion. Ringer watched and waited for the goanna for about an hour prancing up and down the yard eventually he gave it away.
I thought I'd never see that goanna again but I was wrong two days later we emptied the yards of cattle. As the last one exited I seen something on the ground it was flat and yellow I picked it up it was like leather it had claws a tail and four legs. It was the goanna he had been steam rolled flat by all the cattle's hooves crushing his body for two days. I showed Ringer the find he just sat there and sniffed at it for ages he didn't know what to do with it. I guess this true story of mine gives new meaning to the phrase flat out like a goanna.
© Copyright Mark Mackenzie 2005
All Rights Reserved
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This story is marvelous because of its provincialism. The run-on sentences, the local construction, the wonderful language, and what in hell is a "goanna", something like a badger?; although a badger could survive several tramplings by a cow.
I think what folks are saying is that, on a world scale, the mechanics of written English are a bit raw here. The conventions are employed to make meaning clear to the greatest number of people; however, your story is clear.
So, to keep your great country-flavored dialect and at the same time let publishers know that you have both oars in the water, I would suggest a frame tale ... or even simpler, make your title something like "A Mark Makenzie story: Flat out like a goanna." Well, that's a bit lame, but I think you get my point: set the whole thing up like a direct quote and you won't have to change a word of what you have written. |
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Comment by: sonia - 2006-03-07 20:37
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| I quite like it, it reads like a letter to a friend. I grew up in the aussie outback and love to read an aussie tale good on you I smiled. |
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Interesting to anyone outside of Australia, but I want to know how big it was, what they're like (poisonous? what do they eat?).
I agree with Cherley - and you need to add some commas and (oh, she said that) and interesting details for foreigners. |
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| Addendum: Lawson is the author I was trying to think of. But you probably knew that. |
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I've forgotten my Australian authors, but there's one who wrote a huge pile of short stories, some rather tall, others extremely earthy. Rather Barry Crump-ish stories. I think you need to read through that author (Damn! I readlly do wish I could remember the name!) to get a better idea of how to structure yours to be more effective.
I don't mean that yours are "bad" - just that they don't quite work in a dramatic sense.
And I note that you're using "ron mackenzie" in your copyright notice - not your own? |
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"Walking Before Dawn"
In every haunted location, ghost story or account there is beauty trapped inside, a beauty that is crying to be left out for the world to see.
This beauty drove me to start Walking Before Dawn, a poetic journey through the unexplained.
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