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xemoxangelx
Emily Barker
United Kingdom, Essex

Words: 126
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Death

down deep until i can go no more
my legs brake as i hit the floor
the floor is solid and as cold as ice
i call her name once and then twice

she comes to me as if in a dream
she falls to the floor as she hits a beam
the nonesense i talk of now
is in fact a story i have to tell

her body lies limp and lifeless
her face is pale and colourless
at least her pain has ended well
whilst im stuck her in this hell

i kick and struggle against the wall
but no ones there to hear my call
i stop struggling and take my final breath
its my time to meet him,to meeet my death

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Comments  
thecandystore Comment by: thecandystore - 2007-04-06 16:12
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I do agree with the others. I liked the rhythm and think its done very lyrically. Good job.

C
DriftwoodWriter Comment by: DriftwoodWriter - 2007-04-03 13:53
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This is very lyrical. You should maybe consider developing your work in line with song. Good job.

J. Edward Nolan
deadstrobe Comment by: deadstrobe - 2007-03-19 14:45
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This is the kind of writing that leaps off the page. It puts me in mind of Lycia. I can almost hear their soft melodies in the background....
Light Comment by: Light - 2007-03-16 04:47
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love the rythm too. its a good read. u shud have higer confidence in urself. this poems good.
Anne Comment by: Anne - 2007-03-15 18:49
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Nice rhythm . Well written

Thanks for sharing

Anne
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By xemoxangelx

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