I was walking that day and it was sunny outside I remember there was birds singing in the trees and when you looked up in the sky you got those bright circles in them so you couldn't see anymore like when you point a camera at the lights. I was walking along and the cows were watching me in the fields and for a moment I stopped and looked at them, them all looking at me with their faces all sad and thinking look at this. Look at this pink thing here it's looking at me and I wonder if I can eat it? I crossed over towards the fence and grabbed it in my hands. I half expected to get a shock but no. No it was fine. I know that some fences give you a shock. One time I was going through the fields with Sam and we saw all these black lumps hanging over a fence like little sacks. The farmers chuck them on there to kill them he said to me, they dig up all the ground. They get shocked on there and you can see their little bodies jerking about and then - bleh! Dead! I seen them do it once he said and laughed and picked up a stick and starts poking one of them. Don't! I said to him don't do that. I remember looking at those lumps jiggling on the wires legs and arms swinging and red dripping down into the grass the more and more Sam poked them. I remember they looked like little men all glistening and bloody in the sun waving and jiggling all over the place. And then what does Sam do but he goes and scoops one of those little sack men on the end of his stick and lifts it off the fence and keeps laughing a horrible laugh and he has it there and he starts pushing it out towards me and laughing saying he wants to say hello. But I don't want to say hello I don't want it anywhere near me and I can see its eyes crusty with red and bits hanging out of its middle and so I shout at Sam to get it away from me ha ha he says! Ha ha ha don't be stupid he only wants to say hello! But then flump - the horrible little sack falls into the grass in a little pile of fuzz and strings that look like wet leather.

I was scared of those fences after that. I didn't want to touch any fences after that but sometimes you would have to touch them growing up and so when there was a fence I would always touch it even though there was everything telling me not to do it. I didn't want to be a sack. But here I was holding onto this fence and looking at these stupid animals in the field and they are wandering over to me with their sad eyes looking. Oho! I thought. Imagine if I did get a shock! Imagine what these thick cows would do then! So I started to fake it standing there in the grass and the sun making me all hot and sweating and I pretend that I'm dying and shaking and screaming and rattling the fence up and down so fast and it looks like there is no wire there anymore it's going so fast. And I'm screaming and doing this. This is how it looks when people get electrocuted. I know because Sam showed me once. He said he saw it in a film where they were running away from dinosaurs and the man thought it would be funny to pretend to get a shock and this is what he did. I watched as all the cows started running away. There was shit flying everywhere and it sounded like sitting inside a tent in the rain when they were running thunk thunk thunk back up the hill. But one of them he's still standing there and he's looking at me with flies all over him like warts crawling in his eyes and at his slimy frothing mouth. Fuck off I said. Fuck off you stupid fucker go on go on! And he stands there! Standing looking at me as if I'm something funny to be looked at. Entertainment for cows aye right I thought and picked up a stone jagged and powdery and hot from the sun and I flung it right at his face. Bam! Yes! The stupid fucker starts running up the hill with the rest of them thunk thunk thunk and I run off the other way laughing. Right between the eyes ha ha!

I was still laughing when I came round the corner at the end of the street and there was Sam and he was running towards me at full pelt and he looked like he had some important news his face all red like a huge beetroot and his shirt hanging out and muddy. Just for a split second I think he's going to run straight past me he's going so fast but no he crashes right into me choking me round the neck with his arm. Quick! Quick you have to come see this come see what I found. I have it now quick he says and grabs my hand and it sticks to his with mud or filth or Kola Kubes. Sam liked Kola Kubes. Well there we were running and I was trying not to let my bag fall but I could feel it slipping and my legs were thumping trying to keep up hoping I wasn't going to fall and ruin everything. Come on he shouts come on it's just round here I found it outside on the road and I got it in a basket round here he says and he's pulling my hand and all I can think is the water streaming in my eyes and stumbling and praying not to fall because Sam has me so tight if I fall he will too. But finally we get to the field near Sam's house and he says its in here come on and scrambles up the rocks with them falling everywhere and dust like fog rolling down after him. By this time he has let go of me and I'm trying to keep up with the thick brown fog like a blanket choking me and stabbing my eyes. But I get to the top of the hill into the field and I can see Sam running through the long grass his head bobbing up and down like he's in water so I run after him wading through all the stalks that hit my face like whips. The ground underneath is covered in huge rocks and twice I twist my foot and the pain shoots and stings so I feel as if someone made me put that foot in a fire for a laugh because it's always funnier when someone else gets hurt. Always. That's what Sam always said.

And finally I get to where Sam has stopped crouched down in the soil and looking into an old wicker basket that I'd seen his mum take the washing in before and I wonder how he got it she'll be looking for that basket now. Look at this he says all excited. I climb down next to him into the little pit in the field where we have our den. No one else allowed fifty pence to join our club no actually no one else allowed fuck off. I'm down crouching next to him and I look in the basket. There's a bird in it and it's looking up at me and Sam its tiny eyes twitching and looking and reflecting our faces in the sun. It looks up at us but not like its afraid. Just looking. Its head tilts and twists and now and then it blinks quickly so as not to miss anything. I stared wondering why is he not trying to get away? He could have got away when Sam was running to find me he could have flew out and gone home. But then I look and I see that he has one of his wings all held out and spread over the basket feathers like fingers.

Where did you get him I ask. Oh I saw him on the road on the way home today he says and so I ran home and I got the basket and came down and got him. I thought the cats would have got him but no I got back and there he was just sitting looking and so I put him in here and hid him in the den. I wanted to show you that's why I was coming. I thought he might get away but no here he is! Sam's face lit up when he said this all scuffed and mucky like he'd wiped those sticky hands all over it before he came to get me. He looked pleased with himself. Come on I said come on and we can take him to mine my mum'll know what to do. He's hurt his wing I think, it's all spread out. Look.

I remember then Sam's face changed it got all serious and he looked at me and looked at the bird in the basket and shook his head no he says no its too late. What do you mean I said. We need to do something quickly he says with a smile we need to take care of this ourselves. Adults don't care about him they'll just tell us to take him away again and leave him where we got him and besides I'm not getting into trouble for nicking the basket. Not on account of you or any fucking bird and when he said this his face went dark and he looked right at me like don't mess with me. Don't you dare mess with me.

No what we have to do is we have to put him out of his misery. We can't let him here to die it's not fair on him. We need to stop him suffering. I looked at the bird then when he said this and I watch him hobbling about in the bottom of the basket flap flap and tilting his head and looking. Looking at me and saying I'm fine look I'm fine my arm hurts a bit but I'll be okay I'm fine I promise. But looking at Sam he didn't think that's what this bird was saying. No looking at Sam he was smiling and he looked like he'd made up his mind. There was no point arguing when Sam made up his mind. What we need he says is a big rock and he starts scrambling out of the den all muck and grass falling behind him and little worms falling out and writhing about trying to get back in. And I'm watching them all squirming and wet curling and twisting this way and that frantic. They don't like the sun. Then Sam he comes sliding down the ditch on his arse and he's even muckier now oh Sam first the basket and now look at your clothes your mum is going kill you. But Sam didn't look bothered. He was sliding back down into the den next to me carrying a rock he'd found in his hands. He was struggling it must have weighed forty or fifty tonnes and that's why he was sliding he had to carry it in both hands.

Right he says puffing and catching his breath take this and put him out of his misery and he reaches out the rock to me his hands shaking from the weight take it he says. I don't want to I said you do it it's your idea please you do it. No way he says sounding offended I had to pick him up and get him here and he pecked me and everything and he sticks out his hand to show me. There was a scab there but it looked like it had been there for days maybe weeks but I thought maybe it was best not to say what did I know about scabs? I came got you because I thought I could trust you he says and I thought you were my friend. After that I thought it was best to take the rock. It was all chalky and roasting from sitting in the sun. I didn't want to do this but even more I didn't want to upset Sam. One time before he thought it would be funny to steal Mrs. Munro's gnomes from in her garden. Stupid and spooky looking he said he hated them and wanted to smash them all down by the river and throw them in so that they wouldn't be there anymore making him feel funny when he had to walk past them all looking shiny plastic faces. I remember then I didn't want to do that either and so ran home and forgot all about it but the next day the gnomes were gone and everyone was talking about how Mrs. Munro's gnomes had been stolen and the police they were coming to find out the criminal who did it but then some of the adults were laughing and making jokes about it but I didn't think it was funny. I didn't want Sam to get arrested and me never see him again so I came to the den because we always said no one bad would ever get us there. And I get there and there are all these horrible dead little faces looking at me. Sam is there and he looks really mad and then he looks me right in the eyes with his dark face and he says you are going to help me. You are going to help me he says or I'll tell them what you did. And so I did.

Then I was there looking at Sam again. With his dark face looking back at me and his eyes do it do it. All I think is it's so warm the sun is in my eyes and stinging and I already have the rock above my head and I'm looking at the bird in the basket and his face wondering what all the fuss is about. His wing is still all stretched and his feathers glittering his tiny eyes rolling and looking and his tail flickering and Sam's voice do it do it he says and so then I smash the rock down on his head. Crack. I can't hear anything after that it's like a bubble in my head an echo crack crack crack. I lift the rock.

Everywhere looks like there are eggshells but the yolk is red and lumpy and grey. The blood is making a circle around the head dribbling and trickling all over and it's going on the basket shit I think shit Sam's mum's basket what will I do? So I grab the bird out of the basket and I'm clambering up out the den with it gripping it tight trying not to fall on it mud and dirt and worms flying everywhere weeeee! Then I get to the top and I take the bird and fling it into the grass. I fling it as high and as hard as I can and watch as it falls back down towards the ground. Flap flap goes its wings and it's trying to fly but the wing is still sore so it just lands flump in the grass and sits there looking back at me confused.

And now I look. I look into the den and Sam is there lying arms spread out wide, face in the muck and worms. He isn't moving anymore. There is red and white all in his hair and the rock next to his head. I start to run. I run back up back through the whips and back up the street. No one bad ever finds us in the den eh Sam? And I'm running past the cows again and they are all there looking at me with their sad eyes. I run past. I don't have time to waste on stupid cows. I run past thunk thunk thunk.

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