Untitled
Huddled by a ceramic fire,
shivering cold whilst rolling up
tobacco of the Cutter's choice.
You told me you hardly care or
give a damn whilst inhaling.
A scrapbooked youth seen
dressing up with cowboy boots
and stirrups whirring. Next he
shimmies as a clown rigged
to the moorings of Blackpool.
But come Monday you will eat
half cooked toast, laden with
butter marmalade and a grog of tea.
Red bordered letters rebounding
from a soiled mat. Payment is overdue.
It was two years since the day,
the day you ran from the coppers,
falling through the West Point.
It was 'lucky' they said. You
could only think of being gutted (whole).
Dusk though, will see you strapped and
secured in a ten by six room
making me wonder. Wondering
why your polka dot trousers lay
slumped by the wheelchair.
© Ethan Hammond 2007
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| Very well written:) |
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Hi Haymish.
Every single stanza is perfectly constructed in this. The images are thick and bold, and your grammar is impeccable...yet, I still cannot connect the stanzas into a complete story. You've sparked my curiosity, which has lead me to reread this several times in the past week...still no conclusions as to what the ending trousers have to do with it. I understand the jailed criminal part, but beyond that, I'm bewildered. Nonetheless, your writing is smooth and vivid. I love the personification of dusk and the whole last stanza is my favorite. Good job. |
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Comment by: roy - 2007-03-25 08:19
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you mean spurs whirrling, i think, never mind the details, i love your cryptic writing a meaning within a meaning within a meaning, which kills alazy cowboy liek me because i have to read the bloody poem again and again and again till i unravel your series of layers and puzzles, a friggin maze you are...Yet i am hooked, what can i do/
I will get back to you..
Roy |
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| Oblique but keeps the interest with its strong imagery. Especially liked that mat, and the statement Payment is overdue. |
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You painted a great picture with your opening stanza.
"Wondering
why your polka dot trousers lay
slumped by the wheelchair." You have left me wondering about that as well. |
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