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Dedication
So this is it:
my final stand
again.
I'll admit it -
I'm tired.
I'm tired
of fighting,
tired of facing up
and facing down
of facing off against
nameless adversaries
whose primary weapon of offense
is their dull
indifference.
And I'm uncertain of the future
and I'm at odds with my past
and I'm afraid that
presently
my will is failing me.
I never meant to burden you
with the troubles you shoulder
so readily,
and there's no way to repay you
for this
transfusion of strength
that you offer me
time and again,
without being asked,
without hesitation,
when I
am emotionally
bankrupt.
And while I know
you don't expect remuneration,
don't see that I am in the red,
for my sake at least,
this debt must be settled.
When this has passed,
when the hard part is over,
when the walls I've been throwing myslf against
all this time
finally succumb
and come crashing down,
it will be your victory as much as mine.
Moreso.
You've helped me convalesce
for long enough now.
It's time to get back to the front,
time to get back
in the line of fire.
So thanks.
The spear feels heavy in my hand.
Breathe deep.
Take aim.
I dedicate this battle to you.
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I like the mirroring & contrast of the non-identified 'you' & 'transfusion of strength,' with the 'nameless adversaries' who tire the narrator out. This could be anyone's story and any bureaucracy (real or imagined).
It's a great poem. I loved it (and saved it).
typo:myslf |
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| Strong and passionate write here, Stevie, and I had to read it through a few times to get as much as I could from it. I thought your line length variation, from single word to phrase helped give a strength to your words which flowed well. The sentiment and thought processes came across firmly and I enjoyed the read(s) a lot - thanks for writing it - Grae. |
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Hey Stevie.
Good to see you back: Gritty, determined, insistent. Pumping out the words like a verbal AK-47. My particular favourite line was this: "transfusion of strength". How we all need that blood inside us from time to time. Sometimes it takes another to do it, sometimes it comes from within ourselves. I think you can cut the last line though. "Take aim" sounds like a good way to end it. I'm sure the person it's dedicated to (and I figure I have a good idea who that is) know this. Also you probably need to fix the typo of "moreso" and put a space in there between the two words. Apart from that, great. I think it's time for you to put together a collection of your work and self-publish. The world is ready for Stevie Gray's debut.
Paul :D |
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Comment by: Gregory - 2007-03-22 20:00
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This is a very Personal poem,dripping with emotional intensity.
I hope you overcome the odds. |
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| Peoples indifference sets me to grinding my few remaining teeth off faster than anything else that I can think of. I do not know which particular demons you are battling, but this poem has the feel of a writer who would have thrown in the proverbial towel if not for a few loyal fans. I guess I feel that as there is no one more indifferent than publishers who have only their bottom line in mind. Whatever it was about, I enjoyed reading of your struggle. |
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