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Clean Up
We're trying to clean up the earth.
We recycle,
try to find cleaner ways to burn fuel,
and banned CFC's.
The ozone layer has been depleted
and global warming started years ago.
We hope we won't drown in the melted polar ice caps.
Watch out for the UV rays, they cause cancer.
Save the rainforests
and the animals on the endangers species list.
Purify the toxic streams and rivers,
so they can't create frogs with three hind legs.
I think we need to clean up humanity
talk to our neighbors
without judging them by class or race.
Isn't everyone human?
Today we are careless and rud
unable to always use our turn signals
or say thank you after someone holds a door.
What have we become?
Some of our children are so unruly
because it is easier to say yes.
Teach them manners and respect,
so we can be proud of our future.
We try to avoid being destroyed by our world,
but willend up destroying ourselves
and the world will move one.
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| I agree with milnerplace. I spent several years in college writing down my feelings, political analysis, thoughts, whatever, thinking they were poetry simply because I put in line-breaks and structured them like verse. Thinking back I even remember some ill-advised missives I sent to my grandparents in free-verse style. All I was missing was a scarf and a beret. As milner place said, your sentiments are yours, and that's fine, but if they're not condensed down and centered around an image, a story, a particular setting, then its hard for the reader to digest it as a poem. |
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Comment by: PANDORA - 2007-03-25 11:45
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and global warming started years ago.
--take out the word "and" you don't need it.
Today we are careless and rud = rude
but willend up destroying ourselves = will end
unable to always use our turn signals
--this drives me crazy. When I drive all I do is curse--
You have made a strong point. One that I agree with 100%.
We need a connection to each other.
If we do not find a way we will be the extinct species.
I don't care who you are, famous, rich, poor, black, white..we need to connect. It takes something like 9/11 to wake us up. Still, after a while we drift apart again.
Good write.** |
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| Your sentiments, your questions, are all fine, Kimberly, but I feel that you need something more to make it a fine 'poem'. I tend to think the best way to influence people is to creep up on them, by showing them and leaving them to draw their own conclusions. Or, at the least, get some concrete imagery in to make it more interesting, more unusual, more your own very particular voice. |
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