Villanelle : In Shadow, In Silence
You are here: Edit Red >>
Uploads >>
Poetry >> Villanelle : In Shadow, In Silence
 |
 |
 |
| |
Villanelle : In Shadow, In Silence
In shadow we are found
Not light that shows our fear
In silence we make sound
Not hiding underground
We prim, we preen
In shadow we are found
To leap and bound
No feather tear nor fabric fray
In silence we make sound
Though dread surround
With gloom and grey
In shadow we are found
But run aground
Or floating free
In silence we make sound
By dead of night, on mossy mound
Through cloud and smoke
In shadow we are found
In silence we make sound.
--------------------------------------------------------
Villanelle : A Pain So Deep
The broken heart can do no more but weep
It aches to know a love as great as this
But can it ever know a pain so deep
What of these empty secrets that we keep
Which warm our fury as they make us cold
The broken heart can do no more but weep
We know not sorrow whilst we gently sleep
By night, this breast shall beat in soothing rhyme
But can it ever know a pain so deep
What hurt we sow, so shall we surely reap
Be sure of this, that through all suffering
The broken heart can do no more but weep
My heart is much too costly to be cheap
I gave it freely, as a kindly fool
But can it ever know a pain so deep
Know this, that soon this blood shall softly seep
And drop like tears to form a velvet pool
The broken heart can do no more but weep
But can it ever know a pain so deep.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| Thanks for your comments, people. Though I'm not convinced I like the way a villanelle reads - it's a bit repetitive and it kinda forces you to use words which you know will rhyme with others, so by the time you're close to the end you've used all the good ones! |
|
|
| I am really impressed by these two pieces, I'm trying to write a villanelle myself and I'm finding it even harder than I thought it would be (which was quite hard!) so I'm really impressed by these two pieces. I think my favourite is the second but both read really well. Thanks for sharing them. |
|
|
Liked the second one alliteration would sound so good with you accent..
should you tweak it at later date can I suggest for second line...
"It aches too show a love that's so immense." I've suggest alternative to the "know" that ha been double used on feature lines replacing with show in either one would still work...two good ones here |
|
|
| I like your use of alliteration. |
|
|
This being the second poem in this form that I'm reading, I guess I'm not the best of people to comment. That said, I really enjoyed reading this. It flows well and the use of words is appropriate for the theme.
On the whole, well written. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
