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Ani
Ani F
United States, OR, Rogue Valley

Words: 83
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Discarded Flower

I lie here
my dewy petals opened
by your sun
you shone so bright
I was compelled

I tremble
anticipating your touch
relishing the warmth
of your penetration

But all too soon
you go away
eclipsed by distance
and haste

And clouds
of secrets
came and
blocked your rays

Leaving me
in the cold shadows
of endless
questions

Finally
I shrivel up
in the winter
of your silence

Petals now brittle
and fragile
to the next
sun's touch

~Discarded Flower by Ani~ 2006

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Comments  
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe - 2007-11-30 04:12
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You wrote the poem very well. I think it is a real symbol of your life. would you please add more smile to your poem if it comes from life? Best wishes.
sudipal Comment by: sudipal - 2007-04-13 13:02
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The sad message is very deep and is increased upon by the vivid metaphors.
holy smoke Comment by: holy smoke - 2007-04-03 20:45
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i love the metaphors you have in this. great poem!
Grounded Vertigo Comment by: Grounded Vertigo - 2007-03-28 00:38
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The main piece of writing is a lesson in imagery! I could really see the poem play out in my mind and thought it was really clever how you managed to move so quickly from the flower worshipping the sun to being left alone to die.
manoj Comment by: manoj - 2007-03-27 21:06
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Excellent metaphor with exquisite words ...dewy petals, eclipsed by distance,endless questions etc.

But ... but ... but...
I don't agree your view points as expressed in the haiku and other short poem.
Your writing indicates ... fragrance remains ... and personally I believe this.

Take care.
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