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PANDORA
PAN DORA
United States, I AM, IN THE NEXT ROOM

Words: 72
Access: Public
Comments: 14

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Indifference

***************************************


A collision of mind, a crash of the soul,

dissection of heart, I have lost all control.


Languish of sight, power over feeling,

rigorous struggle, no chance of healing.


No negotiation, rape what you haunt,

nightmare of shadows, take what you want.


Fear of the fury, manipulate the pain,

up-rise of anger, exorcise the sane.


Death of innocence, no omission of guilt,

onslaught of tears, in this life that I have built.

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Comments  
rjaye21 Comment by: rjaye21 - 2007-12-19 03:47
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Hiya,
This is a foreboding piece! & I do like the darker undertones (although it is perhaps an overtone here!). The cadence is nice with this piece, it flows well. I also found the intonation to be a gradual rise towards the end with a sudden fall, which gave a nice exacerbation to the rhythm, I read it quicker as the piece got on & raised my tone as I did, until the end stanza when it is crashed!

Thanks for the read.
Comment by: - 2007-03-29 18:11
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No, the title is perfect.
Jamilah Comment by: Jamilah - 2007-03-28 21:45
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I really like the way this piece flows. Your rhymes are natural and the emotion is palpable. Very nice work.

One small suggestion. I would take out "have" in the last line. I think that line flows better without it.

Oh, and for those who aren't comfortable with the title, could an alternative be "I don't care"?
PANDORA Comment by: PANDORA - 2007-03-28 16:31
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The title was supposed to be the exact opposite.
Comment by: - 2007-03-28 10:26
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The poignant irony that your wrote this poem to indifference and as hulshizer said, it expresses anything BUT indifference. This poem, as always, is stark and highly re-readable.

Michael
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