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Happy Hour
Taste the vanilla
Oozing from the spout
The gates to Eden have opened
Temporarily
The hour glass, turned around
Behind saccharine fruit, dangling from the branch
Is a dazzling secret hideaway
Like children, we shall run and
Play
finding ourselves lost in the woods
Like adults, we shall fool around
Trying desperately to become unfound and unsearched for,
wandering, acting kinky and good
The golden gateway begins to close, sealing all from the outside
He mocks us from the clouds,
Planning the bitter demise'¦
Taste the vanilla
Oozing from the spout
Eden's gates are locked for all perpetuity
Our time has run out
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Comment by: SacredV - 2007-08-26 08:49
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This is fun...teasing and wittingly dirty. I like it. Perhaps one small change you may think about doing is in he 2nd stanza 3rd line "finding ourselves lost in the woods" instead of "the" you may want to use "these" for in the first stanza there is already a feeling of placement and from the mentioning of branches, using "these woods" would just flow better. Just a thought, but this piece is really good.
-Sacred |
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This is sumptuous!... It actually reads like one of my erotic pieces and you have encouraged me to post it ;0)
~Tony |
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| An enjoyable read, Christina. Particularly like the line 'wandering, acting kinky & good. |
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Comment by: philly - 2007-07-12 08:24
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Edenā??s gates are locked for all perpetuity
Our time has run out
thas a wicked endin |
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| I love the juxstaposition of the language in the piece. Switching from "trying desperately to become unfound and unsearched for" and lines like "acting kinky and good". Of course the sexual imagery is very well done, and I too like the package that you have put the poem into (bookends). I think that this poem has a lot more to it, you could keep working on making it longer. Happy hour indeed. |
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