writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
flashganesh
kate gordon
Australia

Words: 397
Access: Public
Comments: 5

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




dolmattakis

It seemed to be one of those 'nothing' days that are so frequent in cities like Hobart. The ones where the sky is not blue or black but just ' white, transparent ' as though the very heavens had given up on us all and had taken themselves away to some more active place. I imagine the skies in Brazil or Bali never do that. But Hobart chugs and Hobart strolls along, and never dances, and perhaps we don't deserve a sky. We always have our wind, after all. The wind never gives up on trying to blow away our cobwebs.

The air smelled of nothing and of everything: spice smells from the Indian takeaway mingled with freshly set asphalt and smoke from the Road-workers' bent cigarettes. The perfume sprayed by the rain from yesterday was fading, as perfume does with age, into the brick walls of the cafes and shops, who breathed in its scent and smiled, welcoming customers, inviting them in to the miniature worlds of beauty products and books. And the world music store smelled of laughter and 1970's vinyl.

I was wearing my maroon velvet jacket because, even though it was February, it still pays to dress warmly in Hobart ' you never know when a sudden gust from the Antarctic will hurtle through and ruin a perfectly nice sunbeam. You can sometimes smell the fragrance of seal blubber as its particles hurtle through, alone and lost in this strange grey city. And besides, I like my maroon velvet jacket. I think it makes me look rather bohemian which, of course, I'm not.

My husband, Colin says he prefers me in no clothes at all, whenever I ask, but of course, that isn't practical in our climate. He says he prays for global warming to reach Hobart.

North Hobart was busy, as it always is in the middle of the day, with people who would rather eat than work. I felt like dolmattakis, from the Turkish restaurant ' they seem to have a crispness to them that is uncommon in dolmattakis. I could smell their tang and frailty through the open windows, through which I saw a fat man laughing, and a thin girl scowling.

But I hadn't come down here for dolmattakis. I'd come down here for a ripped off slip of paper from the laundry noticeboard. And dreams of dragons.

Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
RyanXO Comment by: RyanXO - 2007-03-30 10:58
Add to Readers
      
I enjoyed this. Vivid descriptive language conjured up some great mental images. A couple of times issues of flow make a few sentences a little confusing other than that, its good! :]
Robert Barlow Comment by: Robert Barlow - 2007-03-30 09:28
Add to Readers
      
Kate, this piece really makes use of great description to not only vividly place the reader in a particular location, but also connect the environment with the narrator's emotional experience. --Robert Barlow
peterob29 Comment by: peterob29 - 2007-03-30 02:43
Add to Readers
      
Oh poor old Hobart, the husband could buy a heater. Do you have electricity on down there yet? I did love the global warming line.
Great story and I know you're hiding the fact that Hobart does party after the Sydney to Hobart yacht race.
spacedlaw Comment by: spacedlaw - 2007-03-30 01:03
Add to Readers
      
I like your smelly windy city; I am particularly fond of the first two paragraphs.
The last sentence of 4th paragraph (He says he prays for global warming to reach Hobart.) might be shortened to "He prays for global warming to reach Hobart". I found the double article/verb awkward somewhat. Or to "I know he prays for global warming to reach Hobart".
Your choice, obviously.
TommyTaylor Comment by: TommyTaylor - 2007-03-29 17:16
Add to Readers
      
Good story, I liked it. Now for a little constructive criticism: In the sentence - I could smell their tang and frailty through the open windows, through which I saw a fat man laughing, and a thin girl scowling. ?? the word through is use twice and hurts the flow of the sentence. Maybe something such as: I could smell their tang and frailty through the open windows, glancing in; I saw a fat man laughing, and a thin girl scowling. I liked the ending amd as I said in the beginning, good story.
1

Sponsored Ads


By flashganesh

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S