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Moonlit Sonnet
( Note: First attempt at writing in form... English sonnets are freakin hard. x] )
How bright and round hangs the eternal orb
Of purest light it shines upon the world
every creature the silver glow absorbs
and in this gentle light I, one night, twirled
It remained above, making me forget
The harrowing bright of day and the sounds
The business, chores, voices of regret
Stillness serenaded me, silent hounds
Of night. Jasmine scent lingered in the air
Exotic hallucinations gave way
The mystic darkness tangled in my hair
I kept repeating, "I wish I could stay"
But daylight broke like a crystal wine glass
And my moonlit liquor, drained, came to pass
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Again, well done on your attempt of the sonnet, the more of them you write; the easier they come to put down on paper...
Glen Yumang Manese |
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Your words make me happy.
haha. |
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It's four in the morning, but this makes me want to twirl in the moonlight. I don't know much about poetry, I've always been a prose kind of guy, but I liked this.
I like the comparison of the night to a liquor, and the coming of morning breaking the glass. It really lets the reader know the joy you derive out of it. |
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Comment by: sudipal - 2007-04-01 14:21
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This 'attempt' was very well written.
I like how you put the volte in the couplet, like you wanted to linger in the moment a bit longer. |
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Comment by: Inkling - 2007-03-31 17:26
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| Very nice poem you have here. I like how it flows. The only suggestion I could make is to watch your grammar even when writing poetry. The e in every on the third line of the first stanza needs to be capitalized and you need to drop the and in the fourth line of the first stanza, capitalize the i in the word in and make it a separate sentence from the third line. It is a beautiful poem regardless but if you want to send poetry in to an agent or publisher they will take grammer into consideration. I do look forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing! |
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