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SqueakyWheels
Ben Singleton
Europe, London

Words: 312
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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It could be you.

We're on our way, said the first.
You've got to be in it to win it, said the second.
Just think of it, said the third.

All three shuffled forward, clasped tickets flapping gently against the breeze.

Were on our way,
You've got to be in it to win it,
Just think of it.

Their feet felt lovely and warm as if in the comforting waters of a bath.

Were on our way,
You've got to be in it to win it,
Just think of it.

The queue jostled about all bunched, but they were all impatient so they settled down.

Were on our way,
You've got to be in it to win it,
Just think of it.

The ping pong clatter of what awaited them grew ever nearer, the wait would soon be over.

Were on our way,
You've got to be in it to win it,
Just think of it.

The first reached the end of the queue, he craned and strained to see what was going on, but his view was obscured.

Wohoo, I'm on my way, I've got to be in it to win it! Will you all just think of it.
If it's good I'll help you all out, just you see.

By now his feet were hot, as if a boiling river was flowing over them.

The other two said;
You're on your way,
You've got to be in it to win it,
Just think of it.

And as he stepped forward into it, his back legs were clamped, his body wrenched up and his throat slit, his eyes rolled into the back of his bovine head and he thought; I'm on my way, I was in it to win it, but he could no longer think of it.


www.myspace.com/thesqueakywheels209

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Comments  
Vision79 Comment by: Vision79 - 2008-05-23 06:39
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This is good, I do agree with some of what the others are saying. But, as we all know it's your piece.
Rookie Comment by: Rookie - 2008-01-20 18:01
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At first I thought like a lottery " you have to buy a ticket to win it" then I realized he was about to do something far more dangerous.

I enjoyed the read
redtwinsis Comment by: redtwinsis - 2008-01-09 12:52
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very interesting reading :)
spacedlaw Comment by: spacedlaw - 2007-05-23 02:33
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I liked the repetition as it gives a good feeling that something wrong is going to happen.
Maybe the "chorus" comes slightly too often, though, and little more progress in between might still convey that sense of doom.
The slaughter house image at the end is very strong.
Debby6 Comment by: Debby6 - 2007-04-21 01:51
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I found it a little too repetitive for my taste but is an interesting tale just the same.
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