I remember the last time I felt like this, I don't remember the day or what I was wearing, probably jeans and sneakers, but I rememeber the way I felt, and I remember where I was and what I did. I walked for a long time, I saw all the different houses and wondered which ones were owned and which were rented. I assumed the ones with flowers were owned- but who really knows. I remember it was crisp, the kind that feels good and refreshing and clean. I was walking and thinking. I had sad music playing in my head. I like that- I pretend that I am deaf and I just drown my thoughts in the storm of the sad guitar strings. I remember I went to the candy store. There is always this old lady that works there- she probably owns it- but none the less she is always there. I always order one mint truffle and then she always tells me that they are made fresh there daily. I always smile at that. I have been there a dozen times- but she never remembers me. People are funny like that- if you wear your hair up or down, or have a hat on, or jeans instead of a skirt. People never remember. I am of course, the same way. Well anyways I took that mint truffle and just sat on a bench in the middle of the square and smiled. I didn't really want to smile- but I just couldn't help it. All the people looked so funny. They were always walking to fast or too slow to the beat. And then their hair would go flying in the wind and I liked that. I liked seeing all of the trees dance and people mess with there hair, and feeling the wind on my face- but I could not hear it. It was like I was invisible and I might have believed me- except that I could feel it. Thats the funny thing about life- sometimes you might feel invisible and then something will make you make you cry- or if your lucky laugh. And thats what it was that day. I was lucky and it was a lucky day. Because I laughed- and I hadn't in a while and it reminded me that I was alive. So anyways there I was in the square- watching and carefully scooping the soft chocolate out of the small hard chocolate shell with my tongue. I was having such a good time, that I lost track of time- just sort of one of those rare times where you are having such a good time with yourself- somewhere in between dreams and reality. There isn't really much else to say. I wanted to stay all night and I might of except I started getting really restless- thats the other funny thing. I don't think it's JUST me- but I can be this way- you are having such a good time- but for some reason or another your just ready to stop. Well anyways thats how I felt that day, the wind wasn't so neat anymore and my candy was gone. So I stoop up and started to leave but then I saw the florist. I thought about what a pretty day it had been. I guess I just had such a good time with myself that day that I sort of wanted to surprise myself with a treat- As much as one can surprise ones self. So thats what I did, I went right over to the florist and bought the most beautiful gerber daisy I could find. It was yellow I believe. The lady asked me if I wanted her to wrap it and make it look pretty. I was going to say no- but then why short change myself. I mean after all I was being such a good friend to myself that day- I hated to ruin it. I walked all the way home with a dreamy grin. I knew I looked stupid and I wanted it to go away. I tried but everytime I did I just started laughing so hard. I got home and the rest of the night I had this feeling like I had been on vacation for a week. You know that feeling when you are relaxed and tired at the same time- and you feel like you havent been home in ages. Well anyways thats what happened. Nobody else knew until now. Maybe happiness is just a state of mind. Some find it with others- some find it within ones self.

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