Before the Undertaker comes
My habit of cursing will cease
I will only utter acceptable words
And his axe will rust and crumble



Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Ang pagmumura ko ay titigil na
Babanggitin ko lamang ay magaganda
At ang kanyang palakol ang mangagalawang na



Before the Undertaker comes
I will eat only healthy foods
My abs will glisten in the sun
And his eyes will burn with Doritos


Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Kakain lang ako ng masustansyang pagkain
Ang aking mga bilbil ay mawawala
At ang kanyang mga mata ay masusunog
Sa malaking bag ng Chippy


Before the Undertaker comes
I will obey my bosses
Without question, I will teach
And he will graduate with his fourth PhD


Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Susundin ko ang aking mga boss
Walang tanong tanong, turo lang
At siya ay magtatapos ng pang- apat ng Phd


Before the Undertaker comes
I will apologize to my parents
Accept that I was the black sheep
And he will sing "Mary had a little lamb"


Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Hihingi ako ng tawad sa aking mga magulang
Tanggapin na naging tarantado ako
At kakanta siya ng "Bahay kubo, kahit gago"


Before the Undertaker comes
I will be more decisive
My choices will be well made
And he will breathe impossibility


Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Makakapagdesisyon na ako
Matino na ang aking pagpipili
At hihinga siya dahil bad trip


Before the Undertaker comes
I will wait after marriage
And I will have sex
And he will roll in laughter


Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Maghihintay ako pagkatapos ng kasal
Doon lamang ako makikipagtalik
At rorolyo siya dahil dyok dyok!


Before the Undertaker comes
I will be be more patient
Wait for my turn for success
And he will lose me in the rat race


Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Mas lalo akong magiging pasensyosa
Maghihintay ako bago mamayagpag
At maliligaw siya sa karera


Before the Undertaker comes
I will give up on my dreams
To become an Olympic swimmer
Beside Ian Thorpe in his speedo
And he will be swept by a tsunami


Bago dumating si Kamatayan
Hindi ko na itutuloy ang aking pangarap
Na maging Olympic swimmer
Katabi si Ian Thorpe sa kanyang bikini
At maliligo siya sa ilalim ng tsunami


However, the Olympic dream will need to be put aside
I still need to write and write and write
Eat and sleep and eat and attempt to exercise
Marry my soulmate, where are you? By the way
Fingerpaint with my children
See my grandchildren have children
And still be able to say, "Fuck off! Bitch"
Then the Undertaker can persuade me to ride on his boat
Along the river Stynx



Ngunit, ang aking pangarap na sumali sa Olympics ay kailangang muna isantabi
Kailangan ko pang magsulat nang magsulat nang magsulat
Kumain at matulog at kumain at matulog at tangkaing mag- ehersisyo
Pakasalan ang makabuntis sa akin este ang aking soulmate, asan ka ba?
Makipag- wrestling sa aking mga anak
Makita ang aking mga apong maagang nag- asawa at may anak na rin
At makapagmura pa nang malutong na "Putangina! Punyemes de Patatas."
Makukumbinsi na rin ako ni Kamatayan na sumakay na sa kanyang bangka
Sa baybayin ng Ilog Pasig





*This is the first poem I wrote in English and translated in Filipino.*

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