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Comment by: dreamer - 2007-04-03 14:17
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I hate to say this, but I hope you take the way it is meant, as my opinion and nothing else. I did not like the more graphical form. To me the poem is almost whimsical and lingering, not bold and in your face like your font and colours suggested. Just a suggestion, play with the format of your poem not just the font and word emphasis. Of the two poems I have read, both have always had every line start with a capital, with short sentences. Experiment with taking a topic and being really wordy, to being extremely precise. Also line breaks, or word on a line of their own for a different kind of emphasis.
With that said, your imagery was very attractive, and thought provoking. I look forward to seeing more of your writing. |
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| It reminds me of my realtionship with my now ex wife. It was very meloncholy and depressing, lots of anger on both sides festering from the pits of the little volcanos that blew up with no warning. Thank God it only lasted three years. It is nice being alone. Very nicely written. |
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| You've described a personal feeling and expanded on it to make universal for all to read. Very human piece, love it. |
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Comment by: costa - 2007-04-03 05:34
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| The graphic adds another dimension (<--cliche alert! sorry, I couldn't figure out how else to say it!) - I love the slightly different size lettering you've used for some of the words. How did you decide on which words to colour differently? |
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| Thanks for the suggestions Milner, I agree with you about the ending and it is something I'm working on |
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