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Wow, this is really good. Loved the last little statement. It's like this rush from a tornado and then. Dead quiet.
Well done
john |
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| I will not pretend to be really sure as to what you are writing about in this one Jay, but I love the way that you said it. Very strong close with this one. Milner was right on. |
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Comment by: foxfyre - 2007-04-05 19:10
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since I clearly did not make it here in time to see the first edition I will be of little use to you. I can tell you though, the sudden ending of this peice really grabs me, as do the lines
hug your spirit
of the hunted as
I dodge vultures
of turmoil
very powerful. |
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Thanks Roy and Milner.
I do like the abruptness of Milner's 'I don't.' Sort of acts as puntuation for the whole piece. I'm going with that, I like it, unless anyone has other suggestions that might sound as good or better.
Thanks! |
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Very strong, Jay, great stuff. The ending is difficult to get just right. I'm wondering maybe one line, either 'I don't' or 'I can't' - perhaps even 'I won't'. Any help?
Milner |
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