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Grounded Vertigo
Michelle Penny
United Kingdom

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Words: 32
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Stormy Sea

Like a stormy sea
Your anger crashes against me
Throwing my emotions overboard
And whilst I am dazed and confused
You seize your opportunity
And batter me
With that strength
Once more.

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Comments  
MatthewMarquis Comment by: MatthewMarquis - 2007-05-24 09:11
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BAM! This poem has resonance and sad power. "And batter me" Unbelievable timing with that line.

I actually think you can lose "With the strength." It seems unnecessary. You've established the raw power of this force. I actually think you should consider just ending it with "And batter me." You've already suggested the unstoppable relentlessness of the beatings.

This was tragically wonderful.
Juan2 Comment by: Juan2 - 2007-04-14 16:02
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Nice extended metaphor here. It's short and simple, but effective. One suggestion, may want to change 'With that strength' to 'With intensity' and it would stick into the rhyme scheme a little more. Works well as is though, a good read.

Happy Writings.
SnowflakeRose Comment by: SnowflakeRose - 2007-04-11 10:10
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Very strong regardless of length. Deep feeling. Great creativity. good work
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