writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
Juan2
John Lander
United States, California

Words: 118
Access: Public
Comments: 9

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  

Nights Out

Rimy Red Bull vodka
spills and soaks
like whispers
I drink from my crotch.

Shoulders brush and citrine
eyes blush demure
apple dimples - I follow
her velveteen trail

with a saunter in vibrato
'til hot breath corals
the nape of her neck
tastes of dew and sweat.

Her hips, my lips caught
in a tryst ' a dim lit hall
with soft knocks and giggles,
I wriggle her pants back up.

Outside, the streets are lined
with meek cabbies who
reek of stale chips and tall
tales. At home, unconfined

we find the floor half-
way through the door
a trail of belts and socks leave
bared treats to ruffle the sheets and

so long as moonlight illumes,
morning may never to rise
to greet these throbbing eyes
and bid the night adieu.

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up



[Back to top]
Comments  
sunshine Comment by: sunshine - 2007-05-05 09:01
Add to Readers
      
filled with great imagees and lines, nice job well written.
zepol Comment by: zepol - 2007-05-01 00:04
Add to Readers
      
"a trail of belts and socks" nice been there.. I love this piece.
Trucco Comment by: Trucco - 2007-04-26 11:34
Add to Readers
      
this poem is a feast to the senses. It also has some melancholy to it. Since I am a movie guy, I couldn't help but think of Ben Sanderson, the character that Nicholas Cage plays in "Leaving Las Vegas." Certainly, the character in your poem is much more optimistic about life. I also want to say how much I appreciate your comments on my stories. Thank you so much! Let's keep the writing going on until we meet with Glory :-)
Juan2 Comment by: Juan2 - 2007-04-21 21:57
Add to Readers
      
Thanks all for the reads. Glad it is an enjoyable piece, one of the most fun writes I've had in a while.

Re: the cabbies line - patience of a saint, some of those guys, dealing with us drunkards...

Not sure about the end, myself. It is kinda cheeseball, but damn if I don't feel like that sometimes. I dunno, I may play with it a little tho. Definitely see where you're coming from John + Lucy. Thanks for the insight.

Thanks again for commenting, much appreciated.

Happy Writings.
Kerosene Comment by: Kerosene - 2007-04-20 10:23
Add to Readers
      
For some reason, I thought this line was the best:

Outside, the streets are lined
with meek cabbies who
reek of stale chips and tall
tales.

So sensory, you could taste it.

I think the last line sounded a bit overly used...at least the word "adieu", i mean.

Nice poem.

john
1 2 Next

Sponsored Ads


Added to Library of:

By Juan2

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S