 |
 |
 |
| |
Fight
All I hear is the heavy breath that I weave
as I step back to pull up my sleeves
I glare into the angered eyes of my opponent
scared shitless but wouldnt let him know it
talkin alot of shit looking for a weakness
making myself believe im immortal and fearless
my angel is building up within me
and the rage makes it where I cant clearly see
I know this aint the christian way
but Im bout to make this muther fucker pay
his mouth keeps relasing his evil words
as his crew moves in on you like a herd
the hast second passes with complete silence
the next action will begin with an act of violence
finally had enough so I let my left hand spring
flying so fast it looks to be guided by wings
fist is flying to the target that is his face
upon connection the wreck will feel like mace
throwing knees to the stomach and elbows to the head
mind keeps replaying the words that he said
let my right arm fly and come up with a miss
hes mouth just shot off another fucking diss
there can be only one contestant who can win
but we will both have to share this sin
in this contest to only show your might
in this confrontation, in this fight
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: - 2007-06-13 20:28
|
|
hes mouth (his mouth?) Not sure about losing the apostrophe on some of the words, but that is trivial and up to you. You said shitless and shit real close together and I would encourage you to consider changing "talking a lot of shit" to "talking a lot of smack" or something like that.
I feel the rage and sometimes you just have to stand your ground and knock some sense into your "opponent" or knock them out so you don't have to hear the BS anymore. It may not be the Christian way, but we all know turning the other cheek requires you to "turn your head" and we do that too much as it is. I like the vigilante attitude - go get 'em! |
 |
Comment by: solwolf - 2007-06-05 14:24
|
|
| I love it. Verbal violence and physical violence. It is unclear "who started it" My guess is that the verbal fighter started it and kept shootin' his violent mouth off until the speaker couldn't take it anymore. |
 |
Comment by: William - 2007-04-30 12:58
|
|
| Good imagery, I like it. I agree, to some extent with leather and lace, although poetry is usually looser about this. It does tend to distract, when there are too many obvious errors, but yours doesn't have too many. I have to proof mine several times plus, before I feel they are good. |
|
|
| I liked it. But, one thing I must comment on. Is grammar, reading through in my mind I checked all the grammar mistakes. That's kind of takes away from the poem, you might want to go through and check all of those. But, it was a good poem. A subject that I'm sure alot of people have to deal with, and can relate you what you are writing about. Nice poem though, just check the grammar and spelling. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
