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LOVE....
L.O.V.E.
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I feel as if I'm in a never-ending maze.
A maze without an exit.
The only way out is the way I way that I came in.
Through him.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm nearing the end.
Maybe there is an exit.
At these times I purposely take a wrong turn.
I don't want out.
I finally led myself to the end.
I had found my way out.
I felt sick, I wanted back in.
I need him, I never want to leave him again.
I never will.
I want to be in his arms until the day that I die.
Could I be in love?
Or am I too young to know the meaning of such a strong word?
When He pulls me close to him everything bad in my life disappears for a brief moment.
All I can think about when I'm with him, is him.
In my eyes he is perfect.
No one else sees him the way that I do.
They must be blind.
If every girl really does have a Mr. Right, I know without a doubt that he is mine.
My friends refer to him as a jerk.
Could they be anymore wrong?
He is the complete opposite of what they say.
He is absolutely flawless.
Why am I the only one who can see the perfection that lies within him?
I tend to pick out the good in him, and ignore all the bad.
Is this what love does?
Or am I just young and ignorant?
I'm losing myself in the complexity.
This feeling is so overwhelming.
Is this love, or simply just immaturity?
I am completely disoriented.
When I am with him my body and soul floods with passion.
Whether it is love or not, I never want it to go away.
He is the only one that I want.
I no longer have any doubt.
I love him.
<<33 By: Amie Lynn Mickle
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thankss, i really appreciate that advice.
I like a little constructive ctiticism.
It shows that your not just being "nice"..
but your being honest.
I do agree with everything you just said,
but i think i'll leave this peice alone.
I'm not going for perfection or satisfaction...
I just kind of write it as it comes out,
whatever my emotions may be.
If I see a few small things to make the peice slightly better,
I go for it. But, if I need to revise the whole thing,
I just leave it alone, it may be juvenile...
but that's how I was feeling and that's exactly how
my emotions came out.
Thankss for the advicce.!
I'll take all of it into consideration
the next time I sit down with a pen and paper.
=] |
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Suggestion:
Sorry, I read it all, but I suppose I wasn't at all captured by it. Perhaps because it's utterly free written and juvenille at the same time, or because it wasn't made for poetry. What you have is prose, a very shoddy prose, but trust me - it looks better as prose.
How do you write prose? Well in this, if you wanna be lazy. Go at the end of every line and press [delete], found under [insert] and to the left of [end]. When you do that, you should have a bungle of incomplete sentences. Now you have made a shoddy prose. Making it better? Fix the punctuation and use more emotional verbs and other literary tools like alliteration and repeats.
Otherwise, this is simple 4th grade love letters written in a Lisa & Frank notebook.
You have talent, but remember one thing, and I don't care what anyone else tells you, because I used to say the same thing.
To be a poet, you have to command rhythm, quip, and vocabulary. Poetry is all the right words in the right order. Prose is all the words and emotions you feel, no matter you incapabilities, on paper.
Now, wanna know the best part? You're the artist, you can throw this suggestion away and believe this is perfect as it is. Or you can 'look' into what I said.
One thing I do demand - if I may - is never be satisfied. I am not much older than you, miss Mickle, so this isn't some big talk from an old man. I am telling you what I learned through reading, editting, and writing my own crappy poetry.
This isn't crap, but it still carrys a scent I am sure you have the talent to wash away. |
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| I'll give that a try, thanks for the advice! |
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| You once gave a response to your short story, stating that you are more of a poet than a story teller. yet your poems could be easily transformed into a poem and Vise Versa. This was a very true feeling write, it didn't seem forced, when compared to other poems. It seemed to be "from the heart" as they say. Anyway, I don't think you should just stick to poetry. Maybe you could write more short stories in this fashion... |
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Comment by: LAB - 2007-05-21 11:33
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Line 3 needs correcting hon. this is a good piece, very good. you have great talent....try some short stories on the subject of love, maybe take this poem and base your story on it, I'd like to see your talent there.
Keep it up girl!!!! |
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